Happiness in a relationship requires more than luck. Practicing healthy relationship habits requires conscious daily effort.
It sounds simple, but that alone is important advice for marriage counselors. Of course, no couple is perfect and everyone has their worst days. But at the heart of their life together is a promise to keep their relationship strong. Therefore, although they may make mistakes like this from time to time, they know that doing their best to avoid them is the key to being happy together.
11 things happy couples try to avoid
1. Don’t complain about your relationships with friends and family.
Happy couples know that it’s best not to involve others in their relationship. When problems arise, they discuss them directly with each other rather than consulting others who can give negative feedback that can damage the relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with healthy girl or boy time, but don’t use it as an opportunity to complain about your spouse. If you do not apply this step, there will be too many negative factors in your marriage.
2. They don’t compare themselves to others.
Happy couples accept and love each other for who they are. They know that comparing themselves to others is unrealistic (and unfair) and will leave their marriage insecure.
If you spend time with other couples and feel that the other spouse is better, be confident and don’t second-guess your choice. Even though it may seem that way, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
3. They don’t play the victim.
Happy couples take responsibility for their emotions and their role in the relationship. They don’t blame each other for their problems.
They ask for what they need instead of wallowing in self-pity or blaming their spouse for their situation.
4. They don’t take themselves too seriously.
Happy couples know happiness and fun. They go on regular “dates” and laugh a lot.
Even when life throws you curveballs and things become extremely stressful, keep things light and fun.
5. They don’t criticize.
They learn to look for the good in each other and sensitively seek out their needs when they are upset. Happy couples know that criticism only hurts the other person and creates rifts in the relationship.
If your spouse does something you don’t like, pay attention to why it bothers you and learn how to talk about it safely.
6. They don’t ignore finances.
happy couples know that Financial stress puts pressure on marriage. By communicating their financial goals, they can manage their money and make responsible decisions for their future.
If money is a topic you don’t really want to talk about, know that avoiding it will only make your money problems worse.
7. They don’t try to read minds.
You already know what people say about people who make assumptions. Happy couples know how to communicate so they are aware of each other’s needs and feelings.
No matter how connected they feel, they don’t expect their spouse to know what they want or how they feel. They explain it clearly.
If you’re not getting the attention you need, tell your partner.
8. Don’t overshare.
Happy couples know that sharing their frustrations is a way to meet each other’s needs and build a deeper bond.
They intentionally ask when to share and if it’s a good time, rather than catching their spouse off guard and unleashing an upset that adds fuel to the fire of further conflict.
If something is upsetting you, first ask, “I have something to share. Is now a good time?”
9. Don’t get attached to your role.
even if you have stereotypical gender roles Happy couples are flexible in their relationships and ready to do the work that needs to be done, even if they’re not good at it.
So even if you can’t make dinner tonight, and your wife is usually the one who puts dinner on the table, you can easily step in without a fuss and relieve her of some of the responsibility. .
10. They don’t bother each other.
Happy couples encourage each other instead of putting pressure on each other. They find ways to support each other. And support is a natural motivator that often backfires.
If your husband is unemployed, instead of pestering him to go to the interview, try to boost his morale with your love and support, even if it seems scary. Your sincere encouragement and trust in him will be the driving force that drives him forward.
11. They don’t pay attention to Hollywood depictions of marriage.
Happy couples don’t believe the typical accusations of husband and wife that are often featured in pop culture. They love each other and don’t disrespect, belittle, or make fun of each other like they see on TV and movies.
If you haven’t noticed yet how common it is to treat marriage as a punchline, start noticing the subtle (and not-so-subtle) points. Messages about marriage that you will encounter every day.
Shlomo Slatkin is a Certified Clinical Professional Counselor, Certified Imago Relationship Therapist (Advanced Clinician), and an ordained Rabbi.