After years of bitterness and growing distance, you end up on the brink of divorce, feeling depressed, and not feeling like your best self.
Should I go to couples therapy before I get to this point?
Couples therapy is a preventive measure And it’s a wise investment in continuing a healthy relationship.
If you’ve been waiting to make a last-ditch effort to save the relationship, that’s okay. Everyone has their own timeline, but you weren’t ready until now.
Here are three little signs that let you know it’s time for couples therapy:
1. Your intuition tells you it’s time.
Your inner alarm tells you that your relationship has changed in some way. The problematic patterns that have always existed no longer work.
When you slow down and listen to your intuition, you’ll probably discover a lot of things that your conscious mind isn’t always aware of. Take a deep breath and think about your relationships.
Notice how you feel inside your body. Are you feeling relaxed and at ease? Or do you notice some tension or discomfort? Where do you feel uncomfortable? What does it say?
Sit quietly and wait for the answers to come from your inner knowing. When something goes wrong in a relationship, you usually know on a deep level that you need to slow down and check in with yourself.
Intuition is your friend.
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2. Even though you keep having the same fight over and over again, it doesn’t feel like anything is resolved.
It just makes you both more frustrated and stuck. You want to be heard and understood, but you feel criticized and alone. All couples have eternal problems.
John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher at the Gottman Institute, estimates that: 69% of relationship problems can’t be solved!
We must be able to discuss unsolvable issues and gain understanding, acceptance, and love.
If you’re having trouble getting there, negative communication patterns or other challenges may be getting in your way.
Couples therapy can help you both understand what’s keeping you stuck and work through it so you can feel hopeful and heard again.
3. Feeling distant and isolated and avoiding talking about difficult issues.
Perhaps you and your partner tend to be conflict avoiders, never bring up things that are bothering the other person, and want to make the other person happy.
While this may work for some couples, if there is no conflict at all, it is a sign that issues are being hidden and will eventually cause distance and disconnection.
A certain amount of conflict is necessary in human relationships.. It helps you understand each other and feel closer.
The good news is that you and your partner can become close again if you talk more honestly and openly about your feelings, even if it scratches the surface. Couples therapy can help.
Additional reasons to seek couples therapy include: You already have a great relationship and you want an even better one.
For example, you may have just gotten engaged. Couples therapy at this stage is preventive, fun, and beneficial.
You’ll have the tools to explore your strengths and challenges, continue to grow, and learn together, allowing you to move to the next stage of your relationship with more confidence.
You don’t have to wait until you plan your exit strategy, pack your bags, and contact a couples therapist.
Susanna Guarino I’m a Zen therapist, musician, and couples therapy expert who loves working with people on their journey to healthier relationships and becoming their most authentic selves.
This article was originally published at: Good Earth Counseling. Reprinted with permission from the author.