I see an increasing number of women over the age of 35 who want to get married but cannot find the right person.
They’ve been asking about the best places for singles over 35 to go, setting up blind dates multiple times, participating in online dating, and yet to put a ring on it. These women will be educated, have great jobs, have great homes, be gorgeous, and make perfect wives.
So what is it? Really mistaken?
When I talk to these women, many think that the problem lies with the men. Men their age want younger, less established women, or cougars who are successful on their own and don’t need a man’s financial support or ability to have children to share their lives with.
But if you take a little more time and talk more deeply with women, you start to realize that it might not be the men..
In fact, these women may be feelings about oneself Or what they project outwards that is limiting their ability to find a suitable partner for marriage.
Many of us don’t realize that what we feel inside is actually reflected on the outside. If you’re cynical, critical, or dissatisfied, your appearance will reflect how you feel, no matter how much you spend on the latest haircut, manicurist, trainer, or diet fad. If you start with your dad when you’re 6 years old, have a man let you down, or your boyfriend steals from you when you’re 17, and you can’t work it out, you’re going to attract men who steal from you. . I will abandon you again and again.
When men are interested in you, they look at you and already know their destiny. Whenever you’re looking for something or someone, you may have to look within yourself. This is often the reason why many women over the age of 35 who want to get married don’t get married.
Here are four honest reasons why you’re still single, which may be difficult for others to hear.
1. Life has taught me to be critical.
Men are emotional creatures just like women. They enjoy sex, but want to build a life with a kind and loving woman. Men like confident women who can love themselves and others.men don’t like average woman. If a man is attracted to a mean woman, it says more about his family of origin than it does about the woman. Be careful… Do you want to be with a man who likes mean women? Really?
2. The metrics are biased.
Women who want to get married but aren’t are often looking for someone cute. While sexual attraction is important, the most important thing about her husband is his honesty and personality. A study I referenced on my blog found that the healthiest marriages are those overseen by women, not men.
If there’s a certain “cute level” you need to achieve, you’ll need to remove your makeup and look in the mirror again. Because this is how her husband looks at you every morning.
3. You are not being honest with yourself.
The vast majority of single women over 35 who want to get married are in a relationship with someone they don’t really love or don’t see a future in. They lie to them and say things like, “Well, you don’t have to get married.”But by not doing so they only hurt themselves Be honest about what you really need.
They move in with him and start moving on with their lives, but many times they end up dedicating years of their lives to a man who will never commit to them, fearing that if they tell the truth he will leave. . If you want to get married, let everyone know about it, be honest, and don’t settle for someone who is still trying to flirt with everything you see.
4. You don’t like yourself.
Once a woman is single and past a certain age, she becomes very self-centered. They begin to realize all their shortcomings (especially in appearance). The world will revolve completely around them. The more this happens, the more they repel others.
Soon they realize that they are alone and begin to think that they do not deserve anyone. When a man is looking for his wife, an atmosphere of self-loathing is clearly conveyed. Somehow they understand that you cannot love them more than you can love yourself. How can you love them if they hate you?
The only reason to get married is because you have decided that this person brings out the best in you and in them. The thought of not sharing your life with them is worse than the thought of losing everything else in your life. It takes that kind of commitment from both of you.
Marriage is a lifestyle. Vows are sacred. Instead of focusing on how awful single men/women over 35 are, prepare to be a good partner.
mary jo rapini MD, LPC is a psychotherapist, author, speaker, and intimacy and sex counselor.