You can’t bear to be with him…but you can’t bear to be without him either.
You ended your relationship with your boyfriend because he was neglectful, cheating, or verbally or physically abusive. You’re trying to move on with your life without him, but you feel lonely, scared, and heartbroken.
Your emotions and brain are playing a vicious game of tug of war. Your heart believes that things are really going well between the two of you, but your brain knows that he is a deceitful, immoral monster.
Nevertheless, your heart aches to see him, and you end up calling him and subjecting yourself to further heartache. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe you’re obsessed with the idea of revenge for his mean treatment.
Whether you love him or hate him, holding onto hurtful memories about your ex will hinder your emotional recovery.
Here are five of the worst breakup mistakes you keep making that seriously hinder the repair process.
Here are 5 breakup mistakes that will make it impossible to get over him.
1. You keep talking to your ex.
Ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, and ex-lovers know your weaknesses and will play you like a guitar if you let them.
After a few weeks, or even months, of communicating with your partner, you suddenly receive a call or email from him. At first it was small talk, and he asked in a buttery voice, “How’s it going?” or “How’s work going?”
You agree to have coffee with him. In other words, it’s just “to talk.” Then you have drinks and dinner with him. You tell yourself you’re okay, but before you know it, you’ve slept with him (yes! He’s an incredibly addictive person) and now you’re in the worst position of your life. It goes back to the relationship.
Girlfriend, where is your sense of survival and good judgment? I know he’s bad for you. You know he will erode your confidence, tear your self-esteem to shreds, and send you into a dark depression. And no matter what he promises, he will betray you again and again with his lying words and abusive language.
If you really want to move on with your life without him, give him a chance to slip away by answering his calls, replying to his messages and emails, and opening the door for his surprise visits. Please don’t give. Go back to your life.
2. I feel like I’ve failed.
Being alone and heartbroken can miraculously open your eyes to the bad behavior that caused the failed relationship. Introspection is good, but thinking that you are solely to blame for your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s husband’s withdrawn and condescending behavior, betrayal, infidelity, angry outbursts, and abusive behavior is making you feel bad about yourself. You will be doubly punished.
Trying to make yourself a “better” person in an inherently abusive relationship (e.g., staying calm when your partner verbally attacks you or denies and stuffs your hurt feelings) He uses his inner power against you and is controlling and abusive, and nothing will change. personality.
3. Telling yourself that you are not loved.
Recognizing that you are in a toxic relationship is the first step to restoring your self-esteem.
Thinking you are inherently unloved or unwanted (rather than recognizing the truth, you were in a toxic relationship) undermines your self-confidence and self-esteem. Abusive men tear you down and make you feel weak, insecure, and codependent. He tells evasive, contradictory half-truths to confuse and frustrate you. He isolates you from your family and friends, allowing him to dominate and control you. He belittles your abilities and makes derisive comments about your body. God wants you to think that you are unattractive and that no one needs you.
Knowledge is the key to emotional recovery. If your ex is verbally or physically abusive, read everything you can about narcissistic, antisocial, and abusive personalities.
4. Never let go of anger or sadness
Are you remembering bad memories from your past relationships? If so, you remain a loser.
Your partner left you or he was abusive. The thing is, you still love him very much! You are paralyzed by the roller coaster of emotions. Denial, fear, anger, guilt, and sadness. Deep down you know he’s totally wrong for you, but you feel sad for him anyway.
Your misplaced feelings of love, loyalty, and devotion are preventing you from closing your heart. Or maybe you despise him and want a fiery meteor to destroy him.
Having angry, resentful, and vindictive thoughts about your ex-lover will only undermine your sense of well-being, femininity, and energy, and short-circuit the recovery process.
5. Trying to speed up recovery
Take time to heal your emotional wounds and correct harmful behavior in your relationships. Otherwise you’ll end up recycling it into the next relationship.
Trying to cover up the pain of the breakup by immediately looking for a new relationship, throwing yourself into work, or avoiding dating altogether will only slow your recovery.
Jumping to dating sites right away is counterproductive. Every time a man rejects you (or doesn’t notice you), it only fuels your feelings of low self-esteem, loneliness, and insecurity.
After a bad breakup or divorce, you may feel lost of purpose and direction.
Force yourself to do things that promote personal growth. exercise. Read self-help books. Go to church and get counseling. Eat healthy foods and get your vitamins. Update your wardrobe with a makeover. Attend social events and make new friends.
Photo: Leeloo Thefirst/Pexels
Your feelings of sadness will gradually diminish and eventually be replaced by hope, faith, and contentment.
Tattoo this on your forehead. If you choose to stay in a relationship with a man who doesn’t communicate, is unfaithful, or is abusive, you are also choosing to experience emotional pain and heartbreak.
nancy nichols She is a best-selling author on self-help, dating, and relationships, an empowerment speaker, a notorious blogger, and a TV and radio talk show personality. She is an advocate for women who use self-help books to teach self-esteem building, the power of positive thinking, understanding relationships, and personal healing.