I’ve been in the dating industry for over 20 years now, and I’ve heard all sorts of reasons why men are afraid of marriage. You’ve probably heard most of them yourself. “Men don’t want to commit because they’re not built to be with one woman. Men don’t get married because they want to spend their lives running around sleeping with as many women as possible. ”
Now, of course, men can be dogs, but believe me, the reason some men fear marriage has nothing to do with fear of jumping off life’s intimate merry-go-round. So why are some men afraid of marriage? Let’s take a look?
Here are 5 honest reasons why men don’t want to get married.
1. Weddings are expensive.
average american wedding It costs about $30,000. For most people, that’s a lot of money, especially in this economy. Of course, not every wedding has to be extravagant like something out of a Disney movie, but believe it or not, weddings are important for men too.
When you see things about weddings in the media, it’s always the women who are the only ones who care about the day, and the men who are just there to participate. That’s a big myth. Men are prideful creatures and want to make sure they have the best day possible. We understand how important your wedding day is to you and we want to deliver on all your hopes and dreams for this occasion.
Isn’t it possible for the bride’s father to pay the full amount?
Theoretically and traditionally, we live in tough times. Not every middle-aged man has $30,000 to spare for his wedding. Plus, don’t forget that weddings are more expensive than ever. You only have to look at the wedding planning industry to see this. Just hiring someone who knows what they’re doing can cost upwards of $10,000.
Weddings are expensive and most men are afraid of disappointing you or not living up to your expectations. It certainly does not set the tone for a happy marriage.
2. Everyone says marriage is bad.
Popular media also has a lot to answer for on this point. please think about it. All we hear on the news is which celebrities are getting divorced for the fourth time. The number of ads for family lawyers and divorce lawyers is insane, and every time I see a male stand-up comedian, all I hear is jokes about the horrors of divorce and marriage.
How many jokes have you heard over the years about terrible mother-in-laws and how love dies like a goldfish on a carpet when you get married? It certainly doesn’t promote the idea that marriage is a pleasurable life experience.
What about the gossip magazines out there? If you look at the front page, you’ll see articles like “My girlfriend’s husband ruined my life and ran away with my girlfriend’s mother,” and “Woman stabbed to death because she thought her husband was cheating on her.”
With that and the depressing marriage and divorce statistics out there, it’s no wonder men don’t think twice about putting a ring on your finger.
3. Divorce costs money.
No man gets married thinking about divorce, but he knows that divorce can happen. Is divorce cheap? no. Is divorce fun? no.
Most of us know someone who has gone through a divorce and know about the anger, resentment, legal costs, children caught up in the divorce, and the loss of friends. Divorce isn’t just financially expensive. It’s emotionally expensive, and no one wants to think of their children or family members being involved in a protracted incident full of frustration and discomfort.
Men with children are even more likely to fear marriage. As the statistics show, Divorce almost certainly means major loss of communication. No one wants to risk seeing their family only every other weekend.
4. I’m afraid of losing my shine
I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard say something like, “Once we got married, the spark went out.”
When it comes to marriage, there are so many scaremongers that it drives me crazy. All you have to do is turn on the TV or open the newspaper and you’ll read articles about saving marriages and repairing dying relationships. No one goes into a marriage expecting it to go wrong, but society has programmed us to assume that there’s a good chance it won’t work out.
This doesn’t just apply to men. I know women who are starting to worry about the possibility of marriage. Not because they don’t want the big Disney wedding they’ve always dreamed of, but because they’re scared of all the horror stories out there.
5. We will love you with or without a ring
Times are changing. We are in a world where same-sex marriages are on the rise and women are being given the equality they deserve (and are almost there!). If a man is in a committed, long-term relationship with you, why does he need a ring to prove that he loves you more than him?
If you live together, have a family, or have financial commitments, you are bound in the eyes of the law anyway. For most men, a ring does not equate to love. We all show love and affection in different ways. Wouldn’t you want to spend the rest of your life in love with a man who adores you, loves you, treats your children like royalty, and dedicates his life to you despite a short and disastrous marriage?
Are you saying that marriage is bad? Not at all! Marriage is a beautiful thing. What I’m trying to say is that marriage doesn’t necessarily have to be the result of love. What I’m trying to say is that not all men are bad at marriage. We’re saying we can fall in love with you even if you don’t put a ring on your finger.
And I say, “Don’t worry.” Even if he doesn’t ask the question, it doesn’t mean he’s trying to be with another woman. Maybe he’s just afraid that marriage will change what you have. Or maybe he can’t give you the princess wedding he wanted for financial reasons.
If you’ve been dating a guy for a while and you want to know why he won’t get down on one knee, you might want to show him this article. Perhaps he will admit to having one of these fears. On the other hand, if he says it’s because he’s afraid you’ll become his mother or that your relationship will deteriorate, tell him to walk away. He sounds like a fool who doesn’t deserve a beautiful loving woman like you.
David Wygant I’m a dating coach who has been helping men and women transform their love lives for the past 20 years. As lead writer for Ask Men and the Huffington Post, his advice has been provided across television, newspapers, and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, and E!. Entertainment TV etc.