Never underestimate the power and importance of repairing relationships. And never doubt that even small disagreements are worth dealing with.
If nothing is harmonious, small problems in the relationship can have devastating consequences for the marriage. In this case, time does not tell and things only get worse as the unresolved conflict continues.
It’s common for couples to find themselves on the brink of divorce, with at least one spouse claiming that they “thought everything was going to be okay.”
As the saying goes, it takes a thousand cuts to die.
couples coach julia woods We specialize in helping couples recover and heal. In an Instagram post, Woods shared five common signs that you’re headed for divorce that you can often ignore or overlook, and how to recognize what’s really going on before it’s too late.
5 signs you’re headed for divorce but don’t know it yet
1. Not resolving and repairing conflicts.
You may think that conflicts will resolve themselves, but if you don’t address them head-on, they can leave a huge mark on your relationship.
According to psychologist John M. Grohl,“The problem lies in the fact that as marriages and romantic relationships degenerate into arguments, those discussions become filled with criticism and unspoken expectations of each other.”
Grohol offers several ways to resolve conflicts head-on.
- Look at the positive aspects of conflict.
- Let’s talk about it now rather than later.
- Make the first move.
- Compromise.
2. Blame each other for everything.
In relationships, it’s very easy to shift blame. And I got it! In the middle of a heated argument, it feels good to blame your partner for everything that’s gone wrong in your life.
However, remember that placing blame does not get to the root of the problem and may cause more harm than good.
In what Woods called a “blame game,” she said, “You may feel like you’re winning now because you’re calling them the problem, but you’re losing out on the love, connection, and relationship that you craved.” Yes. Tell yourself: “You are a team and no matter what problem you face, you will work together. Take responsibility for your actions and always discuss the problem with a clear mind.”
3. Keep waiting for your partner to change.
It’s painful to wait years for your spouse to finally change and see the whole picture. And most relationships fall apart because the difficulties are too much or become too frequent.
Family therapist Jason Whiting says:“Intimate relationships, by definition, come with challenges.”
In any relationship, we must be able to accept some conflict. After all, it’s better to tackle a problem head-on than to ignore it. “You and your partner are operating on completely different levels,” says Whiting.
Therefore, learn to compromise and respect each other’s differences. It may take time, but in the long run you will be able to build stronger relationships.
4. You can’t stop thinking about all the ways your partner is letting you down.
Ruminating is normal for everyone, and especially normal for couples going through difficult situations.
According to author Melissa Kirk“The problem, of course, is that all too often we end up thinking things are unsolvable.” And, let’s be honest, if the problem were so easy to solve, we wouldn’t even think about it in the first place. It probably won’t take that much time.
Instead of ruminating on your partner’s actions, Kirk suggests ruminating on yourself.
“This makes you feel better because you think you can solve the problem at hand and think more deeply,” Kirk writes.
Let’s be honest, we all want to feel a little more in control of our lives.
5. I cut off communication about conflicts and uncomfortable topics with my partner.
Seriously speaking, interference can lead to divorce. period.
“When you shut yourself off and refuse to talk to your spouse because you’re angry, hurt, or tired of fighting, you can be devastating to your marriage,” Woods explains.
It makes sense! Imagine if your best bet was to shut yourself off and never discuss the issues going on within your marriage. There is no room for resolution or growth in that foundation.
So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, instead of trying to unwind from work, try taking a break. But remember, be ready to solve problems as a team.
Knowing these signs can prevent your marriage from falling apart and help you build a stronger bond with your partner in the long run.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a BA in Psychology who covers topics of personal development, relationships, career, and family.