Even platonic relationships can be complicated and scary to deal with. It is wise to keep your eyes and ears open and pay attention to potential signs of toxic friends and love.
People with certain personality traits are more likely than others to form toxic friendships and abusive relationships, and knowing what to look out for can help you avoid being abused by them in the first place. .
To protect yourself from possible heartbreak (and possible abuse), be aware of the signs of a potentially abusive friend in your relationship.
Here are five personality traits that are most likely to be toxic in friendships.
1. Hog the spotlight
Everyone has ups and downs. It’s perfectly fine if your friends don’t cheer you on every time something good happens. It would be unrealistic to expect that. They have lives too, and they get busy.
But beware of friends who seem to be very supportive during tough times, but then go MIA without explanation when they get a promotion, new relationship, car, etc. They can’t seem to stand the spotlight on you.
So let’s move on to the next feature.
2. Being an emotional black hole
As a psychotherapist, I often warn people to be conscious of how much they give and receive in relationships. I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t be easygoing or generous with your friends, but there is some truth to the adage that “friendship is a two-way street.”
In all interactions, watch for signs that someone is expecting you to be the giver.
You helped your friend start a new business, but you can’t find him anywhere to plan the birthday party you asked him to help you with a few months ago. They expect you to listen to everything while you complain about the same boss, and then abandon the job early and give the boss what he gave you both. I’ll leave you alone to finish the project. These are questions about your friendship.
3. Demonstrate harmful intolerance
Just like lovers, long-term friends can get into arguments at some point. This is as expected. But there are healthy ways to disagree, and there are also fun ways to stimulate discussion and expand moral horizons rather than debilitating stressors and lowering morale.
Life would be boring if everyone agreed with you, but toxic friends won’t tolerate you disagreeing with them. Until now.
After a disagreement with a friend like this, subtweet or vaguely reserve the discussion, or post a motivational quote on social media about how “true” friends are “forever supportive.” You’ll probably see it posted in the media.
When you read their passive-aggressive messages, you can’t help but wonder if they were referring to you. There seems to be a connection between the last time you had a disagreement and the last time someone asked you out, but it’s not that specific. You can irrefutably blame them for that.
Run!
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4. Act with possessiveness
Even good friends need to spend time with other people from time to time, so beware of toxic friends with manipulative personality traits who try to isolate you from those close to you.
Be careful if people exclude you from spending time with you or become possessive or angry when you tell them you’re spending time with your college roommate or family visiting from out of state.
You have the freedom to date anyone you choose, and your friends should have their own friendships (and lives!), but in some cases, those friendships may not include you. there is.
It’s unrealistic, unhealthy, and potentially abusive for someone to assume that they should be the only person spending time with you. After all, if you were to spend every waking moment together, what would you talk about?
This is similar to a couple who work together, spend their nights together, and go to bed at the same time every night. At some point, everyone needs to work on their own in order to grow independently and regroup once they have time to recharge.
5. Depletes emotional resources
Toxic friends are exhausting because they only care about themselves. It can be financially draining, emotionally draining, mentally draining, or a combination of all three.
This may be difficult to find. This personality trait may not appear immediately and may become increasingly problematic over a long period of time.
Notice how often your friends offer to cover for you. If you are spiritual, do they allow you to discuss your beliefs, or are they just trying to convince you to attend church together this Sunday? If you do and you temporarily don’t have a conversation, will they get mad at you if you say a friendly hello to your partner as you pass by?
Friendships bring a lot of richness to our lives, from support to fun times to celebrating each other’s milestones along the way, but they can also be complex and scary to navigate without proper guidance. there is.
Many people suddenly aren’t sure if they really knew the person they once called a best friend because they’re behaving in ways they don’t recognize. This usually leads to guilt: “I should have known they weren’t my friends!” — Then more hurt follows as your so-called friend denies there is a problem or perhaps cuts off communication with you without warning.
That’s why it’s important to regularly evaluate your friendships and relationships. Make sure it’s balanced and supportive.
There’s a way to know if you are heading into a toxic friendship with someone Before the broken pieces of my heart are repaired.
We’ve all been through it at some point, but knowing which personality types to look out for can help you avoid unfortunate connections with toxic friends.
After all, you have the right to be who you are in your relationships.
Friendships and people change over time, and perhaps you yourself may change as well.
Just like donating shoes that no longer fit or clothes with holes in them, it’s always a good idea to regularly review your friendships and distance yourself from friends with toxic personality traits that are bothering you. is.
The friends that remain in your life will propel you forward and encourage you, rather than keep you trapped, anxious, or exhausted.
Maxine Langdon Starr, Ph.D., LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist specializing in adolescents and young adults. sunflower therapyprofessor of psychology at Brandman University and motivational speaker on self-esteem.