- Jennifer Keller, 53, became pregnant in her 20s and lived with her father for 13 years.
- After her divorce, she discovered polyamory and has been doing it alone for three years.
- Solo polyamory means having multiple partners, no main partner, and an independent lifestyle.
This told essay is based on a conversation with Jennifer Keller. Edited for length and clarity.
We’ve been married for 13 years.we then got married 5 months together Because I was pregnant with my first child. Although we had another child and worked together for 13 years to make our marriage work, there was a fundamental disagreement. It got to the point where I thought maybe it would be better if we weren’t together.
after us marriage is over In 2011, I was in a series of long-term monogamous relationships, and polyamory was not on my radar at all. But in 2018, after a really intense relationship broke up, she realized what I really wanted from an intimate relationship. I like my own space, but I also really value intimate connections.
One day when I was browsing the internet, I found this polyamory thing. When I read more about it, it seemed like something that matched the situation in my life at the time. My life was very, very full, as I was teaching and writing my dissertation at the same time, essentially holding two full-time jobs, but I also had a great time with connection, intimacy, and joy. I needed it.
So I started practicing in 2020. polyamory, because I didn’t want that prescribed relationship. It gives me flexibility, is more in tune with where I am in my life, and nourishes me.
Solo polyamory means I have multiple relationships, but my main relationship is with myself
For me, solo polyamory means having fulfilling, meaningful, and loving relationships, but my primary relationship is with myself. I’m in a relationship, but I’m not going to be in a relationship.”relationship escalator”, there is an expectation that they are dating, then they get serious, then they become exclusive, then they become partners, and then they might get married or form a domestic partnership.
Our culture is so monogamous that when people hear about non-monogamy they think, “What? cheating And secrecy. But for me, non-monogamy and polyamory mean openness, honesty, and being true to yourself in a radically honest way.
I think of my relationships as bubbles, separate from each other. In contrast to the stereotypical image, polyamory Partners sit around the kitchen table so everyone knows each other and communicates.
I have two romantic partners, a platonic partnership, and date someone new once a week.
I have two relationships now. I have been in a relationship with someone who is the same partner for almost 2 years now. long term open relationship, and I have a new relationship with someone who is also solo poly. It’s been a few months and things are going well.
I try to get together with my regular partner at least once a week to nurture our relationship. date New people only once a week.
casual dating That’s excellent. It’s fun to meet new people, have great conversations, and see if there’s a spark there.
I had a naughty summer, but I stopped dating because it takes time and effort.
During the summer, I decided to have this naughty summer. I was going to date like crazy and have as many experiences as possible.
It’s November now and I’m still working on getting away from all the connections I made over the summer. I went back to work and decided that now that the foundation of my house was crumbling, I needed to put everything back together. This requires a lot of mental capacity.
I love dating and I love new things in terms of experiencing chemistry, but after a certain point time and energy become real limiting factors. So my ideal solo polyamory setup is the ability to date and have sex with one or two main people. throw away Or a short relationship.
I don’t know if I’ll be alone and polyamorous forever, but I’ll never go back to monogamy.
Now I’m practicing polyamory on my own, and that’s really great, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I was always polyamorous in the past, or maybe I always have been. polyamory future.
I am open to ending polyamory alone. I especially look at people in their late 70s and think, “Oh, it’s really great that they have each other.” I see myself later in life as having only one main relationship.
But it will at least be an open relationship.i look back at myself marriage And I wonder if we would still be together if we hadn’t been monogamous when we got married. Part of the tension between us was due to mismatched sexual desires and different needs not being met, but I was open to having those needs met by people outside the relationship. If so, it might have alleviated a lot of pressure on marriage.
So, I’m not saying never, but I think I’ll probably never go back to a fully monogamous relationship.
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