Infidelity is one of the most difficult relationship problems to overcome.
Your emotions and thoughts are like a roller coaster, and emotional trauma is itself a mental health condition with symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder, such as depression, anxiety, alcoholism, and sleep disorders. may be a diagnosis.
Although experts have a hard time determining accurate statistics on the prevalence of infidelity, it doesn’t take an expert to judge how terrible it is to experience and survive infidelity.
If emotional trauma leaves you with questions about how to get through the situation, who you can rely on, and whether you should stay or leave, you need to understand what your brain is trying to tell you .
Here are six reassuring truths to know if you have a cheating spouse.
1. He is the cause of your pain
His behavior isn’t going to make you feel better right now or for at least the next three months. Once your brain recognizes him as a painkiller, it can no longer recognize him as a painkiller either. Therefore, we must be careful what we expect from him. It hurts just watching him sleep.
2. He is a liar
People lie for various reasons. They don’t want to hurt you. They just want to protect themselves or have a bad habit of doing so. We may not know why he lied, but we do know that he at least told one lie. Lord knows how many others there are.
That being said, how can you tell if he’s telling the truth? I know you want to hear the “truth”, but really, how do you know if he’s really saying it? Is it?
Even if he gives you all the passwords for his email, cell phone, and other social media accounts, how can you be sure he hasn’t created another account or called you from another phone? How can I know?
It takes some time to be ready to expect, hear, and accept any “truth.”
3. Limited information is very harmful
Now I can’t eat, sleep or drink. You are crying all the time, frustrated, and feeling hopeless and alone.
And you don’t even know the whole story. We still don’t know why or when it started, how long it lasted, how many people protected him, etc. Even if he answers those questions, do you really believe his words?
Please understand this. The more you know, the more it hurts you. And the more this hurts, the more he must be forgiven.
Wait until you feel comfortable asking these questions, and consider asking them in the presence of a counselor, pastor, first lady, or someone respected as a mediator.
4. Your marriage can still work.
It feels like the end of the world, or at least your relationship, but the truth is that your marriage isn’t over unless you decide to end it. If you have permission, you can get married, but it will take time.
He can’t fix the marriage on his own. If you have the right person in your life, you can forgive him and learn to trust again.
And I have to strive to be the best version of myself emotionally and spiritually, as a husband, as a father, as a human being, with the right people in my life.
5. He can’t earn your trust.He only helps soften your decision to trust him
Think about all the people you trust, especially those who have made it their mission in their personal lives to earn our trust. The reality is that we trust people who we think are really good versions of ourselves personally and professionally, not people who are trying to earn our trust.
For example, you don’t trust your doctor just because he says he wants to earn your trust. You trust her because you know their incredible work ethic, her commitment to greatness, and the results of their greatness. The same goes for her closest friends.
Trust is a decision you make. Therefore, you want him to be a better man, not a man who tries to gain your trust.
It’s not what “checklist” he completes that makes you trust him, it’s the kind of person he becomes. Plus, there’s always that guy who wants to “earn your trust,” especially in times like these.
6. You can’t do this alone
You need help from open-minded people, preferably trained professionals. That way, we can identify how the relationship got to this point, take responsibility for our role in the relationship (but not his decision to cheat), and take things in stride. You can see and learn how to see. Please share our story in a fuller context.
You need someone who can teach you how to control the negative thoughts and emotions you have about the affair. You also need someone who can teach you how to forgive and how to begin the process of restoring trust.
There is no set schedule to follow. And just like people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, you need to surround yourself with caring people.
Dr. Eric Williams is a counselor and marriage and family therapist who specializes in both interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships, helping individuals and couples reconnect with their inner selves and their partners.