One thing I’ve learned as a marriage and intimacy therapist is that our role models are inadequate in teaching us how to build successful marriages and long-term relationships. . It’s not their fault. They just didn’t know.
The good news is that guides and resources exist within each of us to help us experience the committed relationships we desire. So read between the lines of this article.
Here are seven of the less obvious relationship mistakes that can tear even the happiest couples apart.
1. Do what is comfortable for you.
Don’t extend yourself and only give yourself when it’s convenient.
Even though every area of life brings us some discomfort (including the financial, career areas and even the health area) (like getting a good workout without getting your heart rate up, pushing yourself a little over the limit, etc.) Developing good yoga habits (without being comfortable) treats the relationship area differently and believes that relationships work while staying within that comfort zone.
2. Don’t develop your emotional skills, especially if you’re a man
They believe that emotions are a waste of time, listening is unnecessary, and there is no need to pay attention to how you express yourself. Even if your partner doesn’t feel connected or close to you, expect that they want to be close to you.
One of the most important sources of happiness in life is empathizing with and experiencing empathy from others, but living superficially, trying to get to know your partner, or being weak towards your partner Don’t do it.
3. Treat your partner like a clone of yourself
Try to understand the differences and don’t always insist on agreeing. Even though it’s healthy for each partner to be their own unique self, and there needs to be a healthy passion for doing so, do your best to keep conflict and deviant opinions from coming from you.
4. Limit dates to anniversaries and each other’s birthdays.
Otherwise, you can spend your evenings surfing the net, as there are plenty of good TV shows to watch and a wealth of great information. Needing a partner’s attention should be trivialized and considered unimportant.
All living things, even plants, require some level of attention, but your relationship can deviate from that rule and thrive, even if your partner has given little thought to what they want from you. Expect it to be.
5. Don’t take risks when it comes to intimacy
Don’t express anything new or deviate from your daily routine. Keep it vanilla and expect your partner to be as excited as you were the first time you got intimate together.
Don’t expand your pleasure zone with your partner. It may be more fun than your parents have ever had together, and you don’t want them to be any more miserable than they were together.
6. Focus on the many negative and harmful acts your partner has done.
Even if you forgive, you might get hurt again, so if you keep that wall up, you won’t be so disappointed if your flawed partner doesn’t like you back once in a while.
The other 90 percent of the time your partner does something for you or shows you affection is something that happens in between the things that require your attention, i.e. your partner does something small for you. When you let someone down.
7. Using your partner as a receptacle for all your pain and frustrations
They scream when they’re angry and retreat when they don’t get their way. These fight-or-flight mechanisms continue to help release or avoid tension, even if it destroys the relationship.
tod krieger Marriage and intimacy therapist, author, and speaker.
This article was originally published at: Todd Krieger’s website. Reprinted with permission from the author.