When people get married, they often have certain ideas and expectations about what marriage is actually like. They may believe that marriage will bring them “everlasting happiness” in life. They believe that others can fulfill all their dreams, hopes, and needs.
In other words, because we depend on others to complete us, we believe that we can be truly happy for the rest of our lives. But believing these ideas about what marriage is like is a mistake.
Often, when people begin to experience difficulties in life, they become discouraged and disappointed and think that it is other people’s fault that they are not happy. They clearly have a distorted view of what a committed relationship or marriage is really like.
Here are seven truths about what marriage is and why it helps couples stay together.
1. Marriage requires effort.
It is important to learn to live up to your commitments and understand that marriage does not “just work out”, it is hard work.
You have to learn to walk side by side and understand that no other person is responsible for your happiness. Sure, you can make someone’s life lighter and more enjoyable by how you treat them, but ultimately you are responsible for choosing to be happy in your own life. It’s on you.
You promised to walk through life together, no matter what life actually turns out to be. There will be fun times, but there will also be difficult times. How do you choose how to manage your life together?
2. Marriage is about learning to go through difficult things together.
You may have heard the saying, “Two people are better than one, because if one falls, the other will pick him up.” But there is no guarantee that life will be easy. You may have dreams and images in your mind of what you want your life to be, but the reality is that life doesn’t end one day.
It is very important not to blame your spouse when things go wrong. Just like you, your spouse has no control over their life. In life, as the saying goes, “Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.” It’s really a matter of choice.
You can choose to get through this difficult time together, or you can choose to be miserable and blame each other. Those who choose to work together through it will find themselves actually learning and growing together.
You can also make better choices because you have overcome difficult situations together. Celebrate your success!
3. Hard things come with hardships in life.
You probably think you’ve never been in a struggle. After all, life should be “happily ever after,” right? As long as there is breath, there will be times of struggle.
Such difficulties may include: Having to move to a new location for work and all the trauma that comes with it, losing your job, adding a child to your life, dealing with declining health or illness for you or your spouse. . Things like aging parents, financial difficulties, and even unexpected conflicts and communication issues.
These are just some of life’s challenges and difficulties. How do we overcome these difficulties?Some of them are Learn to communicate with each other about your feelings that may come to the surface.
It’s about not criticizing each other when you have feelings. Listening, comforting, and coming up with a good plan to move forward are all ways successful couples overcome difficulties.
4. Married life is actually about learning to be on the same team.
You are the one who chose to be with me. You are not on the opposing team. We need to learn how to work together “for each other, not against each other.” Of course, sometimes you will not agree, but you need to learn not to be stubborn and try to have your way.
Discuss your thoughts and opinions with each other and work toward mutually beneficial decisions. Now is not the time to pout, shut up, or stomp. It’s time to do some teamwork.
In some cases, you may need to sacrifice something for the team. You are no longer two completely private people. You are a unit and must function as such.
5. For a successful marriage, lifelong companionship must be the goal.
As a couple, it is essential that you become best friends.
Best friends don’t always agree, but they figure out how to remain best friends. They want to be together no matter what. They enjoy each other’s company and want to spend time together.
Building long-lasting friendships requires investing in the relationship. It doesn’t happen because you live in the same house. You have to be intentional about making it happen.
6. Marriage is about learning how to stop along the way to celebrate milestones and accomplishments.
Couples set all kinds of goals for themselves, but it can be very discouraging to feel like they can never achieve those goals.
It’s important for couples to not only celebrate when they actually achieve or reach a goal, but also when they reach certain milestones on their way toward their goals. As you move through life, each step you take can be something you wholeheartedly support and get excited about.
Being able to celebrate along the way will motivate you to keep moving forward. Without such regular celebrations, you may feel so discouraged that you say, “What’s the point?” Then just throw in the towel.
we need to celebrate, enjoy Journey. This will help you both feel on track and motivated to push toward your goals.
Be there for each other and recognize and celebrate each individual’s milestones and accomplishments. Please remember. You’re on the same team and when someone accomplishes something, you both need to celebrate it together. You are not competing with each other. Rather, they support each other.
7. Marriage means keeping the spark of physical attraction, love, and intimacy alive.
Generally, people are quite young and in fairly good health when they get married. You may be physically intimate frequently during the early years of your marriage. But that’s not what marriage really is. Getting married and staying married means going through all sorts of physical changes as you get older.
It’s not just one of you that changes. It’s the two of you.
It can be difficult to admit that you are changing. You may be good at letting your spouse know that changes are happening that you aren’t necessarily happy with, and you may not be paying attention to what the mirror is telling you.
When you took your vows, you promised to spend your life together. It means “the good, the bad, and the ugly.” Sometimes life is great and you are so happy enjoying each other’s company. Other times, life can become difficult.
You must decide that you are in this together no matter what.
No matter how old you are, you can remain attractive to your spouse. You can express affection and even maintain physical intimacy as long as you are willing to put in the little effort necessary to maintain it.
Just because you change physically or your life keeps changing along the way doesn’t mean the love in your relationship ceases to exist. Please continue to love and cherish each other “until death do us part”. And don’t believe the myths about what married life is like.
Doctors.Debbie and David McFadden I am a relationship and life coach with a master’s degree in education and social work. They specialize in helping struggling couples improve their relationships.