The two of you are in a long-distance relationship and have probably been together for a long time. The relationship is probably “serious”. But in any case, neither of you have ever been close to the other or lived together.
However, at the point when the relationship has been going on long enough, partners may wonder why the other didn’t make the “great move”. They both say this isn’t a casual fling or a temporary thing, but how much longer can they last with this much distance between them?
You tell everyone, including your partner, about your good game. There are likely many “reasons” why you guys aren’t living together, but they sound like excuses to the outside world, and perhaps your partner.
At the root of these 50 million reasons is a desire for freedom and avoidance of commitment. At the root of those reasons is a secret desire to protect your space from the person you supposedly love.
In other words, certain signs that you don’t want commitment indicate that this whole “long distance” business is really just an excuse to avoid commitment. Here are nine signs you’re avoiding your long-distance partner. And it might be in everyone’s best interest to get rid of it.
Here are nine signs you’re desperately trying to avoid commitment in a long-distance relationship.
1. You brag about your freedom.
Although you are dedicated, you love letting others know how free you are. Your schedule and life will go according to your wishes. You can do what you want. This is really “easy” for everyone. Well, it’s easier for you because you haven’t actually committed!
2. Move-in date has not been decided
When people ask if you live together, you shrug. That’s not on the agenda, you say. This doesn’t seem to upset or phase you since you don’t really want to commit anyway.
3. You keep making excuses to not be serious.
From work to “not liking the weather” where your partner lives, you’re the reason you haven’t gotten engaged or talked about moving despite years of being “together.” We like it better, you say. But no one has ever heard your partner say that.
4. I have plans for the future, but no dates have been set.
When asked by friends, family, and perhaps your partner about the progress of your relationship, you’re always answered with a “lofty” date like “I’ll be moving in around the time of your next promotion,” but when does that happen? No one knows. Not even you. Or, “We are waiting for our sick grandmother to die,” but she has been “sick” for almost a year.
5. I have a lot of “friends” that come in and out of my life.
So you went out to dinner with an old friend from high school. But your partner or close friend has never heard of this person. You and the girls and guys from the gym just had coffee. But it was just casual.
You flirt a lot with other people who seem innocent, but in reality, you keep your options open with these so-called “friends.”
6. If you move, you want to keep your home as a backup.
If you and your partner agree to move, you mention that you want to have a place of your own as a backup, or a place to go when visiting friends and family. You’re committed to doing it, even if it’s financially tough. And when you talk about moving, you’re not excited about it and feel “forced to do it.”
7. Your partner doesn’t know many of your close friends or family
The reason you don’t introduce this long-distance relationship to many people is because you enjoy the relationship but don’t want to embed this person into your life. You claim that her friends and family are busy when she visits, but you are actually avoiding deeper connections and entanglements.
8. You always visit your partner.
Interestingly, the person in your long-distance relationship rarely comes to see you because you are always adamant about going to him or her. You say it’s to make the person feel better, but there’s actually a deeper reason, like having another partner at home or avoiding commitments.
9. You argue that distance is better for the relationship
You argue that distance makes the heart grow nostalgic. You say this will make everyone’s life easier. You say this maintains a sense of sexual tension and tension. Even if your partner doesn’t feel the same way, there are many reasons to distance yourself and insist that it’s better this way.
Alex Alexander is a pseudonym. The author of this article is known to his YourTango but has chosen to remain anonymous.