Written by Sean Swaby
I love my family, enjoy my relationships, and find great satisfaction in life.
But sometimes you just have to disappear.
Juggling life’s demands can be exhausting. Life is like sandpaper and can always scratch the edges. This is exciting and energizing. Sometimes you want it to stop so your mind can catch up. But life doesn’t stop between floors.
The pressures of work, social situations, home and personal care, raising children, and other significant adult responsibilities can feel too much. I need to leave the house. My peace of mind is in my basement, garage, or other undisclosed location.
Now, with all due respect, I could be a personal ghoster. We avoid things, go on emotional vacations, and step away from things to relax.
If you’re a ghoster like me, you can relate to Paramore’s 2009 hit “Misguided Ghosts.”
Because I’m just one of those ghosts
go on an endless journey
I don’t need a road
In fact they are following me
and we just go around
Ghosting lingers in your mind like an emotional echo. Twenty years ago, I quit my job after several years of turmoil. When I left, I felt like I had failed myself and the people who had hired me. I found it difficult to control my hello/goodbye emotions and found the conversation awkward.
So I left.
We exchanged phone numbers, but I knew it would be the last time we would ever contact each other.
When you walk away from a relationship with unspoken feelings, you become a prisoner of emotional ghosts. The ghosts are looking for a way to leave peacefully, but instead they end up haunting you.
Ghosting occurs when people disappear from personal or group relationships. Ghosting usually involves no notification at all. People just disappear, unfriend you, and travel their own way.
You may have been a ghost yourself, or you may have had someone ghost you.
- According to records from 2014 YouGov/Huffington Post In a survey of 1,000 adults, 11% admitted to ghosting. The numbers are low, but most ghosts I know don’t like voting…because we’re ghosts.
Two of the more famous ghosts are Bruce Willis and Charlize Theron. Willis based the film on his own ghost experiences. sixth senseand theron gHosted by Sean Pennaccording to new york times.
Most of us are ghosts, but they usually don’t leave our lives or relationships. We ghost in a quieter, more subtle way when:
- Ignore the conversation and engage in an internal conversation about how much you can’t stand this person, this experience, or the color of their shoes.
- Please be physically present during the meeting.
- For unknown reasons, he disappears from family events.
- We avoid our emotions by drinking more alcohol, eating our emotions (i.e., vacate), or watching so much TV that we begin to identify with zombies.
- It takes three hours to buy one item at the supermarket.
- Use novels like paper shields.
Ghosting is a gender-neutral activity. Elle conducted an informal survey and found that 24% of women and 16% of men admit to ghosting. If this number is true, then men are not the sitters, dodgers, and faders we are told they are. Ghosting is something everyone does, and it can be fun too.
Here are nine ways ghosting can be good for you.
1. For art
Conceptual art and conceptual business ideas are great creative ideas that have yet to become reality. It exists on paper, but in reality no one knows what form it will take or even if it will be born. Ghosting is a way of living conceptually. We exist, but we don’t really exist.
2. About boundaries
You don’t have to say “no” if you just say “I’m going.” The best boundaries are invisible.
3. For conservation purposes.
Ghosting allows you to save words in important conversations. Contrary to the world of Twitter, life cannot be lived in 140 characters.
4. To have fun
Strange things happen when you become a ghost. I see dead things.
5. For your health
Ghosting is good for you because it involves exercise and vacation. Avo-iDance is healthy, requires no equipment, and can be performed anywhere. Getting better at ghosting will make your vacation more fool-proof.
6. For protection
If you need to disappear for a while, your ghosting skills may come in handy. Consider signing up for a gHosting program (e.g. Gangster Hosting). “Honey, I won’t be gone much longer, I’m just in Canada in the witness protection program.” There’s probably a good reason for this.
7. For charging
My iPad ghosts every time the battery dies. If Apple tells me it’s okay for my boyfriend’s iPad to go offline, I’ll accept it. Unplug, go offline and recharge emotionally.
8. For revenge
Go ahead and ghost the haters, spammers, no-sitters, and gossips. Ghost your friend who is nothing more than a walking beef jerky (skin + salt + 152 pounds of jerk).
9.For superpowers
I’m continuing my quest to build a superhero tool belt and a set of super spy gadgets. One of the first lessons I learned from watching Batman and James Bond was their ghost abilities. When I ghost, it’s just me keeping the limits of my psychic powers. Avoiding it will result in a void. If you weren’t there in the first place, you’d never be attacked.
The ghost wanders until it finds a home. “Hello, my name is Sean. I’m Personal Ghoster.”
This week, be a ghost and save your words for important conversations.
Sean Swaby He is an internationally certified clinical addictions counselor and a Certified Counselor with the Canadian Association of Psychotherapy and Counseling. He has appeared in Babble, The Mighty, The Good Men Project, and more.