Editor’s note: This is part of YourTango’s Opinion section, where individual authors offer a variety of perspectives on a wide range of political, social and personal commentary on issues.
Geography suddenly became a big issue when I lived in Paris for three months and fell in love with a Parisian. As any avid New Yorker knows, I love the city I live in and always knew this was where I would grow old and die.
I knew I would be away often to travel, but I knew I would definitely come back. Then I met Olivier.
What followed after returning to New York City was a struggle to decide which one she wanted more, New York City or Olivier. He is divorced and has a 4-year-old daughter, so he cannot afford to leave his hometown. If this is going to work, I have to make a move.
Olivier was well aware of my love for this city and knew he was fighting something he could lose, but he decided to take a gamble by suggesting that I move to Paris. .
After much thought and lots of encouragement from my friends that New York will always be here, I decided it was okay to move to Paris. But I wanted something, a lot in fact, in exchange for my sacrifice.
I was joking when I first told Olivier that if I moved to Paris, I wanted a contract that would state that we would be intimate five or six times a day. But then I really thought.
Why can’t I make a request that we both have to agree to? I’m about to give up my life in New York for him. Of course, I would like to receive specific information in return.
From how many times a day they get intimate to when they pick you up. new york times He guarantees a trip to Morocco and does all the cooking for me every Sunday. These are just some of the things included in our contract. It may seem silly, and at first I admitted that it was too (I must admit, I thought it was very creative), but then I realized that I realized I wasn’t alone.
Unfortunately for my creative ego, my ideas weren’t all that new. Relationship contracts are all the rage right now.
as daily mail To explain, “So-called ‘lifestyle clauses’ can detail how often a couple will be intimate, how they will spend their free time, the definition of cheating, etc.” Yes, you read that right. In fact, people other than me have laws about how often we want to be intimate each week.
At first glance, it may seem unromantic, but if you think about it, lifestyle clauses shape the structure of relationships, whether you are married or not. This is not much different than a prenuptial agreement, which sets out how both parties will be fair at the end of the marriage. No matter how great a romance is, there are times when there need to be guidelines for the couple to follow and consequences if one person fails to do so.
For example, Catherine Zeta-Jones $5 million awarded If you find out Michael Douglas is cheating on you, you’ll receive $2.8 million a year just for being married to him.and new york post has discovered even more ridiculous demands that couples are inserting into their contracts.
Some of the craziest prenuptial requests include “husband is not allowed to play the piano while he is home,” “wife is not allowed to cut her hair,” and from a man in his 40s who doesn’t want children. There was one called “What if my wife gets pregnant?” , she would have to have an abortion. ”
The couple is seeking unannounced drug tests, custody of a stuffed horse, certain intimate positions, and a $100,000 payment from the husband if the wife weighs more than 170 pounds.
Some of these are not just crazy, but downright offensive. But just as couples need to have their love free from strict constraints in order to have a successful relationship, some couples need such restrictions to be happy and together. Each on their own.
I’m not actually running away to a sleeping city, even though I can’t eat a croissant in bed while reading the Times and missing the love of my life. Paris is beautiful and we’re lucky he lives there and not, say, Ohio. But let’s be honest: Paris is not New York.
Olivier and I haven’t officially drawn up a contract yet. At the moment this is just a running list of requests from my side. But as my mother always told me, love means compromise. It’s about give and take, and if some of that give and take is written in pen and requires a lawyer to cosign, so be it.
Amanda Chatel is an essayist and intimacy health writer for Yourtango, Shape Magazine, Hello Giggles, Glamor, and Harper’s Bazaar.