You met a wonderful man and would like to meet him again. He’s charming and fun, but after a few days of silence, he wonders if he should message you again.
Just because a man is attractive doesn’t mean he’s the ideal match for you (or that he’s looking for a relationship with you). But if you communicate early and in the right way, you’ll quickly know if he’s a good match.
That’s why it’s important to establish who you are and what you need. The best time to do this is when you’re casually getting to know the guy you like. So follow some communication rules and establish who you are early on.
Here are nine rules to follow to turn casual conversations into deep, unconditional love.
1. Keep your writing simple.
Text communication is ideal for logistics information.
“What time will we meet on Saturday?”
“I’m parking my car and I’ll meet you in a few minutes.”
“I’m sitting at the back of the cafe.”
Emojis have made it easier to express emotions through text, but hearts and smiles have little nuance or subtlety. Important conversations must occur in person or over the phone.
When you have important conversations over text, the chances of misunderstandings and misunderstandings are very high because text has no tone. Your mind is designed to fill in the blanks, and this applies to any situation you find yourself in.
Therefore, text communication leaves a lot of space to fill in, and you and your partner will fill in the blanks. Instead of writing long, wordy text messages full of emojis, keep it simple.
2. Don’t chase a silent man.
Should I text him first or wait until he contacts me? What if you’re free on Saturday and want to be sure to meet him?
The rules regarding texting may seem complicated, but they’re actually quite simple. A man who is interested in a relationship with you will pursue one with you.
If he doesn’t contact you to see you again, contacting him to schedule a date will flip the energy and indicate that he’s not ready for a relationship and only wants a helpful friend of convenience. You can waste your time with men.
This doesn’t mean you can’t text him first because you want to contact him in certain situations. Telling him that your last date was fun or that you missed his voice can encourage him to contact you.
However, if you are always the one initiating the contact, stop and see if he walks up. You’ll know right away if he’s serious about you.
3. Talk on the phone rather than texting.
Sending text messages is very easy and does not require much effort. That’s why many men don’t call you and just text you. Plus, it seems like no one takes the time to listen to voicemails anymore.
But what if you want to hear his voice, or just don’t like texting? How can I get him to call me instead of texting? Importantly, Instead of complaining that he doesn’t call, encourage him to call you.
Photo: Andrea Piacudio/Pexels
Tell him how you feel when you hear his voice. Play around and tell him you’re starting to wonder if he remembers what his voice sounds like. When he calls, tell him how much you appreciate him. He will soon change his habits.
Picking up the phone and talking can be a little nerve-wracking, but it’s a good way to build a connection as opposed to texting.
4. Say what you mean and say what you mean.
In a perfect world, your soulmate would intuitively know what your needs and desires are and meet them without you having to ask. Holding on to this illusion leads to disappointment, frustration, and heartache. Attraction and deep love do not have the ability to read minds.
On the other hand, analyzing every little thing in his behavior and looking for hidden meanings in it will leave you confused, anxious, and irritated.
Communication is the key to meeting your needs. Ask for what you want and need. Tell him how you feel. Talk to him about your desires and goals in the relationship.
5. Observe the behavior of men to find out who they are.
Most people avoid conflict, so keep this in mind when discussing this with the man you’re dating.
Some people may agree to your request but never follow through. Some people may profess their love for you but don’t make the effort to meet up regularly. He may be attractive, but that doesn’t mean he’s right for you.
Men show through their actions what is important to them. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. And he will strive to show you rather than teach you.
He devotes his time, energy, and resources to things he cares about. If you’re always second on his priority list, despite how much he swears he likes you, you’re probably not as important to him as he says he is.
6. Approach conflict with respect and expect respect in return.
Conflicts and misunderstandings are inevitable in a romantic relationship. Do not iron unevenness. Discord gives you an opportunity to see if you can build a deeper connection and understanding with each other.
Avoiding conflict will only build up anger and resentment over time, creating a rift between the two of you.
After all, you want to be loved and valued for who you are. This means we must speak up about issues that make us uncomfortable. It is essential to correct unkind and unloving behavior.
Conflict can be scary, but if handled with care, it can also be a gateway to deeper connection. Stay calm and share your truth. Ask your partner to share their thoughts.
You don’t have to agree on the issue, but if you handle conflict with compassion and respect, you’ll feel more emotionally connected than before the disagreement occurred.
7. Make it clear whether you want help or a sympathetic ear.
Men have an instinct to want to help and fix things, and if a man cares about you, it means he wants to help you.
You raise a problem and he is made to solve it. So if you want to ask for his help to solve your problem, that’s great. If you just want him to listen, tell him that. Because he will automatically go into the mode of trying to solve everything for you.
But if it’s not clear whether you’re venting your feelings or wanting a solution, he may end up feeling aloof and not very helpful to you. It’s okay to spit it out. Another option is to call a friend. Because friends instinctively start offering suggestions and solutions to your problems.
This difference in communication between men and women has caused many marriages to break up. To create harmony in your relationship, evaluate your goals. Are you looking for an empathetic ear or someone to help you figure things out?
8. Acknowledge and thank Him.
Men are not inherently reciprocal. They care more about efficiency.
When you’re taking care of something, he won’t notice any strange expressions on your face, subtle hints that you need help. Instead, he’ll put his energy into other things because he can see that you care about it.
He will never think of helping you because he sees you as a competent person. So don’t fall into the trap of trying to do too much in a relationship in hopes that your man will step up and help you.
9. Share what’s important to you.
Rather than putting your aspirations for marriage and family on hold, openly share that those are your relationship goals. You don’t have to say “I want kids within two years” on the first date, but share that being a mother is important to you.
If you’re scared of him, be thankful you don’t have to waste your time with someone who doesn’t want the same things in life as you do.
Photo: Katerina Holmes / Pexels
Common interests in hobbies and pastimes won’t help your relationship stand the test of time. It’s the fact that we’re both on the same page about what really matters.
If you agree on how you want to live your life and share the same values, it’s easy to get back on the same page, even if there’s a rift.
The dating process is a selection process that takes some time. Choosing a life partner means you have to take risks and be yourself.
If that sounds a little scary or a lot scary, you’re not alone. Rather than jumping in with both feet the moment the man across the table touches your heart, you can slow things down by evaluating his ability to meet your needs.
Orna and Matthew Walters They are soulmate coaches and founders of Create Love On Purpose. They have been featured on countless television, radio, and print outlets, including NBC, Fox News, MSN, USA Networks, KPFK Radio, and with Les Brown on CBS Radio.
This article was originally published at: intentionally create love. Reprinted with permission from the author.