Written by Sandy Weiner
Should you stay or leave? You’re not the only one who has asked yourself this question.
It’s hard to know which behaviors to forgive and which are real red flags, meaning it’s time to break up. The simple answer is that red flags are signs of character flaws. If you see a major flaw in someone’s character, walk away.
However, there are behaviors that cause many women to break up, and in many cases, the relationship could have been saved.
If he is a person of character and sometimes makes mistakes or misbehaves, it is best to give him a break. And if he acts like a man, please forgive him.
Here are 6 small mistakes men make that don’t break up with you.
1. He is not good at expressing his feelings.
If he doesn’t ask questions about things that are important to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s an insensitive guy. It probably means he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about feelings. Please forgive him for that. Throughout your life, you have been conditioned to express your emotions. He hasn’t.
So please help him. For example, tell him you’d like to talk about something challenging that happened that day. Ask if it would be a good time to talk.
And tell him what you want from him. If you just want him to listen, say so. If you want to solve the problem, tell him. The default setting for men is fixed. It can drive women crazy. So if you don’t want him to solve the problem, ask him to listen and maybe even hold his hand or give you a hug.
2. He takes you for granted.
If you showered him with homemade meals, gifts, and unconditional love before starting the relationship, don’t be surprised if he starts to take you for granted.
I once dated a guy who brought me an exaggerated gift on our first date. On our second date, he cooked us a three-course meal. On our third date, he cooked for us again. And seeing that I liked the food he made so much, he went and bought some for me to take home to his kids. Before the relationship, I felt uncomfortable dating on and off.
So ladies, if you want to make your boyfriend’s favorite Peruvian duck chocolate mousse for dessert, wait until you’re dating. As a woman, you define your worth not by what you give and do, but by what you receive and allow. Show a good man that you are a worthy woman and don’t give unconditionally before the relationship begins.
3. He doesn’t open up.
Please forgive the man who answers your questions with one-word groans. If you want him to open up, ask open-ended questions instead of closed-ended questions that only require a “yes” or “no” answer.
And remember that many men don’t last long. They don’t embellish when they speak. They tend to talk in “headlines,” whereas women talk with lots of sidebars. Therefore, when communicating with a man, be sure to speak in a language that he understands. Summarize the main points of the story and save the interesting details for your girlfriend.
4. He doesn’t know how to comfort you
Most men are good problem solvers. They like to fix things. Therefore, when you are upset and he does not know how to comfort you, he is at a loss without the tools to solve the problem. He’ll probably get frustrated and shut down.
When I was in my 20s, I went cross-country with my boyfriend. By the third day, I felt like I had made a huge mistake. He ignored me most of the time, and that night, sitting around the campfire, I cried. He asked if I had a cold. I couldn’t believe how insensitive he was. Didn’t he know I was upset? It was frustrating and embarrassing, but back then I didn’t have the words to express myself like I do now.
If you’re upset, tell him how you feel and what you need. He’ll want to know how to make you happier, but he can’t read your mind. Men are terrible guessers. So don’t leave a man alone because he doesn’t know how to comfort you.
5. He doesn’t listen
Women complain that men don’t listen to them. Men complain when women don’t listen. One of the biggest problems in relationships is that men and women don’t listen to each other.
Why do women often think that men don’t listen to them? Probably because he’s in the middle of work when you’re talking to him. Most men are single-taskers, but women are good at multi-tasking.
When you want him to listen, allow him to focus on one task. He probably isn’t ignoring you. That’s how his brain works. Therefore, before starting a conversation, reach out to him and make sure he is up to the task and willing to listen. That way you can get the most of his attention.
6. He shuts up when you’re upset.
It can be very difficult for a man to back down when you are angry with him. But let’s switch gears a bit and take a closer look at how we act when we’re angry. Do you express your feelings easily, or do you suppress your anger, be considerate to him even when you’re angry, and suppress your own needs until you’re ready to explode?
If you often suppress your emotions and get accusatory or furious, he will likely become defensive or silent. Can you blame him? He is ready to attack.
Forgive your man for getting defensive or silent when you react to attacks or accusations, and learn better communication skills when feelings are hurt. Deal with problems when they are still small, before they become unbearable. Of course, if you consistently express your feelings well and he still gets defensive or stays silent, that’s reason to break up with him.
When attraction is strong and hormones are coursing through your body, it’s easy to ignore red flags. Especially at the beginning of the relationship, keep your eyes open and distinguish between real character flaws and minor transgressions.
Above all, know your worth. High-value women who can communicate their values and relationship standards through their actions and words will attract high-value men and have the healthiest, most loving relationships.
Sandy Weiner is a dating coach and chief relationship officer. last first date. She is an internationally renowned dating coach, blogger, radio host, communications expert, and TEDx speaker.