We tend to put off the things that give us the most peace of mind. Still, once you start, you often feel much better.
The same applies to marriage counseling. No matter how many reasons I know are waving red flags in front of me.
There are many reasons to seek marriage counseling, but the signs that it’s time to go can be difficult to see, especially at first. It’s normal, don’t worry.
Often we don’t seek counseling until something “bad” happens; Many Reasons to Go to Aggressive Marriage Counseling. Before anything bad happens to your relationship, consider how marriage counseling or therapy can help your relationship.
20 Side Benefits of Marriage Counseling That Will Make Your Life Better
1. Stop threatening to break up.
If one or both of you threatens your relationship by suggesting judicial separation, separation, or divorce, that’s a big sign that couples counseling is needed.
Not only is this a major red flag, but making threats can damage relationships over time, so changing this pattern requires the skills that counseling provides.
2. Build your marriage on honesty.
If you’re hiding a secret from your partner, or you’re convinced that your partner is hiding a secret from you, it’s time to seek marriage counseling. This is a sign that cracks are starting to appear in your intimacy and trust.
Marriage counseling can help you clear the air between you and get a fresh start.
3. We can talk about anything like we used to.
If you no longer tell each other everything, it’s time to make a little effort to re-establish a bond that makes you want to share everything, even if what you don’t share isn’t necessarily a secret.
4. Learn to disagree, problem solve, and move forward.
If you fight frequently and nothing gets resolved, seek help from a marriage counselor.
Fights are a part of even happy, healthy relationships. The difference between what you do in your relationship and what the healthiest couples do comes down to communication and resolution.
5. Rediscover physical intimacy.
Perhaps one or both of you are withdrawing from the romantic, shiny side of marriage. Whatever the cause, you can get back to a place of mutual understanding.
6. You will become a priority in your partner’s life.
If one spouse would rather spend hours on social media like Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, or TikTok than talk to their spouse, there’s a problem.
By working together and with the guidance of a trained, neutral professional, you will be able to cope with the breakup no matter what and become best friends again.
7. Recovering from an affair can be dealt with.
If one of you has just admitted to cheating, you have a rocky road ahead.Yes, many couples can heal from infidelityBut it’s never easy, and sometimes you need a little outside support.
Even if you end up breaking up, marriage counseling can help you heal yourself and break up in a healthy way.
8. I feel heard and understood.
Sometimes we have patterns in our communication and we rarely feel fully heard. If you want to be understood, it might be a good idea to consult a marriage counselor.
9. Remember why you married your spouse in the first place.
If you’re afraid to go home after work, that’s a big red flag that something is wrong. You may not be happy together every second of every day, but marriage should feel like home, not like a prison.
10. Your relationship will sparkle again.
Do you feel like you’re just roommates or business partners? That doesn’t have to be the case.
11. Find time for each other again.
If you haven’t dated in more than three months, there’s probably something wrong with your relationship. Even if it’s just taking a walk together or sitting on the beach, you need that time.
It seems like other people’s priorities are getting in the way. A marriage counselor can help you sort out what’s important and find compromises so that date night becomes a priority again.
When we no longer prioritize our relationships over our children, our relationships wither away. But you can get it back!
12. We can both return to the “we” mindset.
Do you find yourself thinking about a relationship exit strategy?
It shows you are no longer in a couple-first mentality. It’s an obstacle for you to be happy together. But we can go back to thinking “we” instead of “me.” (And that, in turn, will help you be happy again).
13. Don’t get too angry.
If you find yourself frequently angry with your partner, you probably feel like you’ll never be able to overcome your growing anger. But you can do it.
Everyone gets angry. This is completely normal and even healthy. But if one (or both) is acting out on angry impulses by screaming, slamming doors, or worse, you need immediate support.
Of course, if there has been abuse, you should first ensure your safety and then seek professional help. But for everyday expressions of anger that frighten or intimidate one or both partners, seeking marriage therapy can lower the volume and redirect the anger.
14. Stop being jealous.
Is there jealousy in your relationship that never resolves? Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to last forever. But jealousy needs to be nipped in the bud, as it can drive a serious wedge between the two of you.
15. Learn how to support each other.
Feeling like your partner isn’t on your side can be very worrying. But even if they wanted to, not everyone knows how to become a lifelong support system.
If you don’t feel emotionally protected by your partner when you’re alone or with others, seek professional advice.
16. Resolve the issues that cause you to fight about money.
Most (perhaps all) couples fight about money at some point, and you should have a plan for how to handle these conflicts. Money is a sensitive issue because having enough money is a matter of survival. It’s worth spending time with your marriage counselor to make sure you’re on the same page about finances.
17. You improve your children’s home life.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just there for the kids. If it’s a temporary feeling, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. However, staying together only for the sake of children is a good sign that you need marriage counseling. It would be great if we could get back into a romantic relationship.
If not, you need to make plans for a healthy time together so you can model a healthy relationship for your children.
18. You can feel like you’ve done everything before you decide to divorce.
If you’re thinking about consulting a divorce lawyer and aren’t ready to throw in the figurative towel just yet, marriage counseling is the perfect solution.
All the best for your relationship. Get expert advice on how to proceed. You don’t have to stay married forever, but you also don’t want to give up before you’ve tried everything.
Photo: Nopparat Nambunyen (via Sutterstock)
19. Even if you decide to divorce, you can end things amicably.
Not all marriages last forever. Divorce is never easy, but learning how to break up well can help you avoid a lot of grief and trauma.
This is especially important if you have children. They need to make sure that both parents are on top of things and still respect each other while the family is going through these changes.
If breakups are handled under the caring guidance of a marriage counselor, they are saved from great suffering.
20. You can check in and reaffirm your bond when everything is going well.
The other 16 reasons to try a marriage counselor are valid, but you don’t need to have any of them. Many healthy, happy couples schedule an appointment with a couples counselor once a year, or even monthly, to make sure they’re both doing well and on track. And that’s also why marriage counseling is great.
Trust your instincts and talk it over with your partner. Especially if he can tick off three or more of these statements about you and your relationship.
Don’t wait until it’s too late to consider using marriage counseling.
You owe it to yourself and your partner to seek help, repair your relationship, and build a safe and happy future. Many of the longest-lasting and happy couples cite counseling as an important reason they are still together.
Dr. Linda Spann is a relationship therapist and coach. For more information, Visit her website.
This article was originally published at: Dr. Linda Spann. Reprinted with permission from the author.