Whether the affair is emotional or physical, it is mostly due to a desire to find what is missing in the marriage or love life, physical desires or other dependencies that are not supported by the lover. It begins with a desire to satisfy a disease.
Secret romances are often described as fun, exciting, adventurous, and harmless.
So what happens if an affair is discovered? Often, unsuspecting spouses are devastated. An unfaithful spouse may also be devastated by negative reactions from others who disagree.
Exposure can also bring a sense of relief to the couple. Some partners may be prompted to address issues plaguing the relationship. This can lead to healing, forgiveness, and recommitment to each other.
Some marriages go in the opposite direction after exposure. These relationships can end in divorce. Disclosure can give the cheating partner peace of mind by not having to deal with the stress of managing a secret double life.
But what about the cheating partner? What role do they play when a secret romance is exposed (or not) to an unsuspecting spouse?
Here are 8 reasons why cheating partners cheat. do not have Tell your unsuspecting spouse the truth.
1. They don’t feel responsible for their marriage.
From their point of view, it is not them but their lover who is committed to the marriage.
The partner of the affair does not feel responsible for revealing the secret. It’s their lover’s story, not theirs.
2. Why destroy something good?
Affair partners are happy with lovers who give them money, jewelry, sporting events, movies, plays, vacations, and date nights that they can’t buy any other way.
Why “kiss and tell” when they’re getting everything they want?
3. They believe that disclosing their affair will cause conflict and harm their secret romance.
They don’t want to betray their lover’s trust or force their lover into an affair with an unsuspecting spouse.
They are careful not to jeopardize their romance and hope that their relationship will improve as trust grows.
4. Losing interest in your partner
For some reason, they are no longer interested and decide to move on without looking back.
They are done with it and have no desire to tell their unsuspecting spouse that.
5. I don’t like cheaters, even if I’m having an affair.
Some people find out that their married lover is cheating on them. They may feel angry or disappointed, but they just don’t care enough about their married partner or are invested enough in them to waste time together.
They are indifferent and there is no need to tell an unsuspecting spouse.
6. The unfaithful partner believes everything the lover says.
This means everything about their bad marriage and a boring spouse who is careless, always tired, indifferent to intimate relationships, preoccupied.
The adulterer feels sympathy for the lover who is stuck in a bad marriage. They will gladly provide the necessary attention and protect their secret romance.
7. Why do I tell someone I live in another city?
The affair continues even when the lover travels to the city where the affair partner lives. There is no benefit in telling your unsuspecting spouse about your affair when you are not planning on moving.
They’re happy with spontaneous weekend trips, five-star dinner dates, and no-holds-barred encounters.
When the lovers leave the city, they return to their daily life without interruption.
8. Being with someone else
Many cheaters do not disclose their secret relationships because they are either married or in a relationship and do not want their partner to know about their secret relationship.
Here are 8 reasons why an unfaithful partner cheats on you. intention Tell your spouse:
1. They come from a place of despise.
They rebel after feeling pushed away by their lover. Some people rebel to take back their power after having broken promises and feeling manipulated and betrayed.
Retaliation may restore their sense of control. Angry and scorned, the adulterous partner tells off her unsuspecting spouse as a way to punish her lover.
2. They are just as surprised as everyone else.
They are shocked to discover that they have unintentionally participated in an affair with someone who had lied about being single, but is actually married.
They think, “If I were the spouse, I would want to know,” and out of a position of goodwill and empathy, they reveal the affair to their unsuspecting spouse. They will not accept injustice, betrayal or humiliation.
A very public example of this scenario occurred in 2003. Amber Frey revealed she was in a relationship with married man Scott Peterson.
Although Peterson claimed to be single, he was later convicted of murdering his pregnant wife, Lacey. Frey publicized the incident, expressing her shock, surprise, and sympathy for Lacey.
3. Expecting that exposing the affair to an unsuspecting spouse will dissolve the marriage.
The hope is that the marriage will come to an end and that the cheating partner and lover will start anew and their love will deepen.
4. You fear that someone has discovered your affair and expect your unsuspecting spouse to find out soon anyway.
Affair partners reveal their secrets in order to restore their honor.
By “telling” them first, they can explain and defend their decisions before others in town or at work view them negatively as “home wreckers.”
5. They are pregnant
Pregnancy can change the dynamics of a secret romance. what should they do? Who will be affected by their decisions? Deciding whether to raise a child, choose adoption, or terminate a pregnancy is a huge burden for expectant mothers.
Affair partners may disclose their affair in order to gain support and security from their significant other, so that they are not making decisions on their own.
6. I tried to escape from my obsessed married lover, but I couldn’t.
The unfaithful partner will do whatever it takes to end the relationship.
They believe that the only option left for their lovers to leave them alone and end the relationship completely is to tell their unsuspecting spouse.
7. I found out that my boyfriend had a sexually transmitted disease and I’m very angry.
Anger and betrayal motivate unsuspecting spouses to know that they too are in danger.
8. The unfaithful partner begins to sympathize with the unsuspecting spouse who has been portrayed as a horrible person.
They no longer trust their lover and instead see their lover as a selfish, selfish person who took advantage of the spouse they trusted.
Empathy allows the unfaithful partner to communicate this to their unsuspecting spouse so that their spouse doesn’t find out and take them for granted.
The affair partner plays an important role in whether the affair is protected or exposed.
Extramarital relationships create complex situations full of excitement, adventure, and stress that can begin amicably behind closed doors or end explosively in public.
In any case, a secret double life slowly erodes the essential qualities of an intimate relationship, such as trust, honesty, accountability, approachability, transparency, and dedication.
Without these qualities, intimacy cannot survive.
If you’re thinking about marriage, divorce, cheating, or are feeling stressed and frustrated trying to manage your secret double life, talk to a professional.
Professional therapists and psychologists can help you think through decisions, understand intimacy, identify addictions, provide insight into what’s missing in your marriage, and help you, your unsuspecting spouse, or It will help you learn how to avoid serious consequences for your affair partner.
nancy musala He is a clinical psychologist and the author of this book. The new normal: 7 things you need to know when caring for and loving a child with special needs. She shares her clinical expertise in the field of developmental disorders and mental health issues through her workshops, books, and consultations.