Your relationship doesn’t live within your partner or yourself.
Your marriage exists in a theoretical space between you and your partner. If you are having relationship problems, this is the “space” you should turn to in order to save your marriage.
Although that space is sacred, it can become contaminated over time.
This space can also be used as a play area for children. As a couple and as parents, you have a responsibility to keep your space clean and sacred. But if you don’t know how, over time that space will become dangerous and you will react to the dangers in that space.
The goal is to stay connected.
If the space is polluted and dangerous, you will feel isolated and disconnected, making the space even more dangerous. So the goal is to clean up something you want to preserve and keep sacred before destroying it.
How can I stay connected?
great jewish philosopher Martin BouvetMr. R says your brain is wired to connect, and when you disconnect, you’re in crisis.
Neurobiologists have empirical data This shows that the brain is the only organ in the body that cannot self-regulate. In other words, the brain does not know what actions are “good” or “bad.” When two people connect, the brain self-regulates and the central nervous system calms down.
my instructor, hedy schleifer You will notice that there are three invisible connectors. The first is a relational space, the second is a “bridge,” and the third is an “encounter.”
What is relational space?
That’s where you live in your relationship. If space is sacred, time is eternal.
If a space is polluted, how do you make it sacred?
Learn the technique of “presence”. what is that?
At that time, the couple sat facing each other, 18 inches apart, and looked into each other’s eyes with open hearts and mutual gratitude. This is how you can connect with your spouse.
The second invisible connector is where the visit occurs, called the “bridge.”
This is not a dialogue. It’s a visit. One partner invites the other partner to discover the world of the neighborhood. Content is minimal. Process is most important.
Couples need the help of a trained therapist until they are able to integrate the process on their own.
Finally, we meet.
Visitors may not bring their own concepts, beliefs, opinions, or reactions into the vicinity of others. If you do this unconsciously, the therapist will ask you to move it back to the bridge and return to the encounter.
In this “encounter,” you are there to listen, repeat, and make sure you are with your partner. Simple, elegant and innovative.
A big “yes” from each partner is all that is needed to follow the process as directed by the therapist. It will only be successful if both partners fully cooperate to move the relationship forward.
Bottom line: Working together and building connections is the key to helping couples regain their essence and repair their relationships.
Joanne E. Childs, LCSW, is a renowned psychotherapist, inspirational speaker, and author of the following books: I hate the person I love: conscious relationships are the key to success.