Couples therapy and marriage counseling can go a long way in improving the quality of your relationship, but there are some things you and your partner need to know first before you pick up the phone.
I’m getting a lot more calls from my couples therapy clinic than I used to. I receive calls every day from different couples who are having different issues in and out of the bedroom.
We don’t know if this increase is due to the realization that divorce trends don’t make the next relationship better, not to mention the negative impact on family integrity. Or whether there are simply convenient, more powerful, empirically based treatments available.
Is marriage counseling effective?
Here are five small but important factors to look for when choosing a marriage counselor.
1. Not all “couples therapists” are created equal.
First, either have a doctoral degree (Ph.D., PsyD, DSW), master’s level degree (MHC, MFT, CSW) or call yourself a relationship coach.
In the therapy world, claiming couples therapy is considered less relevant than the notion that practitioners have the basis, such as training, skills, and experience, to provide the services they declare.
Websites that advertise psychotherapy expertise generate skepticism and warrant further evaluation of their training and experience. Working with children is a subspecialty that deals with developmental disorders, autism, and cognitive function testing, and is a specialty that rarely overlaps with couples.
Please read the “About” page carefully. If that’s not enough, ask further questions to clarify your expertise.
Whether it’s a referral from a friend, university, or Google, you can go further and vet online organizations/directories. Despite paid memberships and advertising, most companies have a qualification process to sign up to participate, with some citing varying levels of expertise. Invest in your processes and due diligence.
2. Not all couples therapy models are created equal.
You’ve probably heard the following couples therapy methods thrown around: Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), gottman method, imago relationship therapy, Object relationshipsmore.
Many are effective, but the bottom line is that EFT has over 20 clinical studies showing its effectiveness, making it the most empirically based of all.
That being said, I have come across many couples who have found great comfort and healing with various other models during contrasting times in their lives.
There are several things that can help, but they are most effective when there is a basic structure and model, and the experience is the antithesis of what renowned couples therapist Dr. Erin Bader describes couples therapy for therapists. It’s a target. “It’s like piloting a helicopter into a hurricane.”
3. Couple therapy is not cheap.
Considering the above, couples therapy today is far from cheap. Hiring skilled talent requires education, training, and experience, and none of that comes cheap.
If done correctly, it can help both of you grow in your relationship and transform you as individuals. And if you’re in a downward spiral, consider other financial options. It’s less expensive than going to divorce court.
4. Couples therapy can also change individuals.
One of the reasons I love psychotherapist and best-selling author Esther Perel is because she takes the risk of saying things that only others, including myself, might think.
So I’ve heard her say that you can do couples therapy with the individuals in the room, or you can do individual therapy with the couples in the room. For example, using her EFT for couples as an attachment-based protocol has been shown to have tremendous potential for personal growth and healing.
While the alternative may ring true, I have witnessed greater healing within the framework of a couple.
5. It’s an added bonus if your couples therapist is also a sex therapist
When someone walks into therapy, they walk in and out of the bedroom. Try not to be aware of this when working on your marital evaluation.
My personal bias is that there shouldn’t be mental health professionals who aren’t at least educated on sexuality. The same is true, and should be more widespread, for those working on sex-related matters, such as couples therapy and sex addiction.
There are two reasons. The first is to be able to talk about it. And secondly, to know what to ask, look for, evaluate, and if possible integrate or refer to.
Qualified practitioners continue to be uncomfortable, either due to the topic or ignorance. Within the framework of dyadic and couples therapy, we consider sexual issues as part of the relationship component. It happens often.
However, physiological, physical, personal, and psychological issues can cause conflicts in relationships. These directly affect the parts involved, but may need to be addressed separately.
For example, men with erectile dysfunction and women with desire disorder, both of whom most often maintain the foundation of their relationships, may also exhibit other etiologies.
Photo credit: Getty
Relationship problems are common in most healthy relationships. However, in some cases, couples need an unbiased third-party opinion. This is where couples therapists and marriage counselors come into play.
With the “just us” marriage trend, betrayal at record speed (or at least an expansion of how we find out), and intimacy increasingly taking a backseat for some, people are finding ways to improve their lives. Step up to find meaning and relationships.
Marriage counseling can be an appropriate remedy before choosing the more expensive option of divorce.
Couples therapy can help, but only if you find the right marriage therapist for you.
Dr. Barbara Winter, Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology, helps people achieve personal growth, improve their “emotional, sexual, and spiritual health,” and have effective interpersonal relationships. We are dedicated to empowering people to build their own lives and help them gain the tools they need to survive. their best life.
This article was originally published at: my blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.