Did you know marriage makes you fat? And by “you” I mean men.
Hey, don’t get mad at me — it’s science! According to a study published in the Economics & Human Biology journal in April, men are more likely than women to gain weight after marriage.
Researchers analyzed nationwide health data spanning from 1989 to 2015 and found that marriage is associated with a 5.2 percent increase in the prevalence of becoming overweight for men and a 2.5 percent rise in obesity. The experts noted that guys tend to pack on the pounds, specifically within the first five years after getting married.
Meanwhile, there is no evidence of the same trend in females.
“After tying the knot, men often exercise less and eat more, and this leads to a higher BMI,” said Dr. Shiwen Quan, one of the lead researchers in the study. “Men are facing a significant risk of obesity as they age, so after marriage, it’s important that they don’t ‘let themselves go’ by maintaining healthy eating habits and exercising regularly.”
So there you go, fellas. You’re not gaining weight because your wife is cooking you delicious food. You’re gaining weight because you’re all lazy bums!
Relax, I’m Kidding.
But not about the research. That was real.
The only caveat is that this particular study was conducted in China. And I’m no scientist, but I’d be willing to bet that in the Western world — in the land of milk and honey and supersized value meals — women are just as guilty of putting on that “happy weight” after marriage as men are.
And a quick trip to the American Psychological Association website confirms my suspicions. A 2013 study showed a direct correlation between weight and marital satisfaction. In layman’s terms, happy couples got fat, and unhappy couples stayed svelte.
“These findings challenge the idea that quality relationships always benefit health, suggesting instead that spouses in satisfying relationships relax their efforts to maintain their weight because they are no longer motivated to attract a mate,” researchers wrote.
And when you think about it, that actually makes perfect sense.
‘Fat & Happy’ Is A Real Thing
And let me nip something in the bud really quick. When we talk about weight gain, we’re not referring to the fluctuations that women naturally experience as a result of pregnancy, childbirth and nursing.
Back when I was in grad school, I overheard one of my classmates saying he was “grossed out” by his “humongous” eight-months-pregnant wife. He couldn’t wait for her to “hurry up and have the baby so she’ll be hot again.”
I had never even met his wife, but I can’t even describe to you the rage I felt on her behalf at that moment. Here she was, putting her body through intense physical, hormonal and emotional stress to bring a new life into the world — only for her squirrel-brained husband to tell everyone she’s “gross” and “humongous.”
So no, I’m not talking about that.
In fact, I’m not really talking about weight at all. Because the tendency for couples to fatten up after marriage is just one manifestation of a much larger problem: Some people are way too comfortable in their relationships.
Being comfortable with your partner is a good thing. Being so comfortable that you become complacent is not.
Don’t Get Caught Slipping!
Whether it be in a marriage or just a long-term romantic relationship, it’s easy to see how this happens.
I got the girl — I won! I don’t have to try anymore!
Except you do. Because once you stop doing the things that made your partner fall in love with you in the first place, you’re headed down an ill-fated road. Dissatisfaction creeps in, sex starts happening less and less frequently, and before you know it, you’re basically just roommates.
Last week, I asked y’all to send me examples of this from your own (past and present) relationships. And since most OutKick readers are male, I polled several women for their perspective as well.
So — according to my very scientific research — here are the tell-tale signs you might be getting too comfortable in your relationship:
1. You stop caring about your physical appearance.
This was the most popular answer among men and women. A few ladies complained that their spouses stopped shaving or showering regularly. One husband griped that his wife started wearing pajamas out in public instead of regular clothes. And, of course, there’s that “happy weight” thing.
One anonymous husband, whom we’ll call Marcus, told me that his wife gained 40 pounds in the first two years of their relationship. He said he felt helpless and worried about his wife’s health, but it was hard to address the issue without hurting her feelings or making him feel like a dick for pointing it out. So I asked Marcus if he himself was eating healthy and exercising.
“Nothing in particular,” he said, “but I haven’t gained any weight either.”
I don’t blame Marcus, but it’s a problem. Both parties have to be responsible. You can’t ask your partner to do something you’re not willing to do yourself. Plus, taking care of your health is the best thing you can do for yourself, your spouse, and your family. You’ll feel better, save money on medical bills, and live longer. Looking better is just an added bonus. So don’t slack off.
Now, I’ll be careful not to twist my ankle when I jump off this podium.
2. Your relationship will be more like roommates or co-workers than lovers.
You see each other’s comings and goings, you plan meals and errands… but do you ever actually talk?
Rachel says: As I scrolled through my husband’s text threads, searching for the address he’d sent me, it occurred to me that our conversations had all been about logistics: who was going to pick up the kids, what time and where. What we were going to have for dinner. When would I get off work? The more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn’t so different from when we talk in person.
Another reader shared that he and his girlfriend often sit next to each other on the couch, staring at their phones instead of paying attention to each other.
3. We take each other for granted.
In a Mother’s Day survey I conducted last month, many mothers said they often feel unappreciated for taking on all the household chores – cooking, cleaning, caring for the kids, and coordinating everyone’s schedules.
But it goes both ways.
Posted by Anonymous: The coffee shop in town makes a vanilla iced latte that my wife loves. I don’t know how it’s different from Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, but I don’t know… my wife is happy. I started buying her a coffee as a surprise every time we go to that part of town. Now she expects it. She just gets it from me and never says thank you or how are you. But I’m sure it would be a pain if she forgot one day.
After all, a little “thank you” goes a long way.
4. You’re being a little too open about your bodily functions.
I feel completely safe with my husband, and I believe that openness, honesty, and sincerity are all important parts of intimacy, but there’s one thing that will never happen in our home: defecating with the door open.
And apparently I’m not the only one who thinks this way. The fact that some people are so careless about their bodily functions is a sign that you Too Be happy with your relationship.
Daniel wrote: I don’t dislike humor, but farting and burping for laughs should not be part of courtship, something that women have come to accept.
Years ago I had a married friend explain to me what a “Dutch oven” was. I couldn’t imagine someone letting another human being smell it. I suppose it’s natural, but go somewhere far away, away from the breathing public. Bodily functions should be suppressed, not publicized.
Boring Norm wrote: A few years into our marriage, my ex-wife started leaving the door open when she used the bathroom, changing tampons with me in the room, flossing in bed, lighting her farts, etc. I should have known it was over, but I held out for another 3 years.
She was a neurotic liberal psychology major, but what can I say? The sex was good and I was into blue-eyed blondes at the time.
Sorry for the bad experience, Norm. But the “lighting her farts” part made me laugh. It reminded me of that scene too. South Park movie.
But I digress. Back to the list…
5. Stop dating each other.
You did everything you could to impress her the first time you met, so why stop doing that now?
Paul wrote: Nearly 40 years ago, while I was undergoing military flight training, I lived in a house with three other men. It was there that I met my wife and we soon married. One of my roommates, Pete, came to visit me a few years ago and said, “Wow, you still open doors for her and do all the things you did when we were dating.”
I’ve been “dating” the love of my life for 40 years, but Pete has been divorced twice.
Daniel wrote: If you are polite, kind, funny, a good conversationalist, have good hygiene, and are a gentleman…that’s your standard, embrace it!
She will likely be attracted to at least one of these, but be consistent in all the attributes you project. Maintain high standards. It’s like putting money in the bank, it will earn interest. It’s also an investment in your future emotional well-being.
To be honest, Daniel is right. Maintaining high standardsAnd that’s true for pretty much everything on this list.
So if you are guilty of any of the above, don’t beat yourself up, because it can happen to anyone. We can all do better.
Think of a relationship like a house. You can build it with the highest quality materials and on the strongest foundation, but that house needs consistent, regular maintenance over the months and years. Otherwise, don’t be surprised when the whole house starts to crumble.
Let’s open the mailbag.
Anthony C says dating isn’t that easy
Last week I talked about what women really want in a date, and I also shared the story of how my husband had only been on dating apps for two weeks before he met me, and the rest is history.
Anthony writes:
I think you’re oversimplifying dating. It sounds too easy. I wish I could find my perfect match on the first try, but you and I both know that doesn’t happen. I’m sure some of you reading this are thinking “I’m going to go on Tinder to find my husband/wife” and end up meeting some ex-con with a foot fetish. LOL.
As for men making the plans… well, as long as the woman isn’t a control freak, that works. I remember making plans with my future wife and on the way to a restaurant, movie theater, etc. she asked, “Hey, let’s skip that and go here. What do you think?” Being a very submissive person, I replied, “Sure.” So, my plans were ruined.
So now, years later, Ro does all the planning and I just pay the bills, haha. I guess that’s one way of doing things.
In conclusion, I’m glad I’m not dating right now because if I was, I’d be yelling at my “date” to get off the phone, just like yelling at someone driving a car. (At least I’m not yelling at them to get out of my yard…for now!)
amber:
Look, I didn’t find the perfect match right away! I met a lot of frogs (including some really awful ones) before I found my so-called “Prince Charming”.
Sure, you might occasionally come across a control freak woman who insists on always having a plan… but even she will appreciate the fact that you made an effort!
Rick S. Cracking the Packaging Code
read: Planning a vacation: What to do? How much to pack? Men and women sometimes do it differently
Amber, After 37 years of marriage and dozens of trips to the Caribbean and abroad, I finally convinced my lovely wife that we didn’t need to pack for a long weekend getaway like we were going to for a two-month safari to the African subcontinent.
She also still waits until the last minute to pack, which I’ll admit still annoys me to this day, but she’s realized something I learned a long time ago: once your clothes are picked out and you’re ready to pack, put half back and bring twice the money. That way you’ll have more fun and your husband won’t look like a Sherpa climbing Everest.
Happy end
Congratulations to swimmer Lily King, who just qualified for the Paris Olympics and then got engaged!
To Lily and her new fiancé James Wells, we wish them a lifetime of love, happiness, and to never defecate with the door open.
Explanation by a woman A weekly Wednesday column on dating, marriage, sex and relationships.
Email us your thoughts, questions, stories, and complaints AmberHarding@OutKick.com Or tweet her translation:.