As I drove my cart around Aldi looking for the cheapest rice and pasta to feed my family, I fondly thought of my first love, Rupert.
From what I can spot on Instagram, he’s just returned from a sailing trip in Greece, where he stayed with his beautiful wife and kids on a chartered yacht with a personal chef and captain.
On the other hand, we spent our last holiday in a tiny bungalow in rainy Wales and we didn’t eat out once because my husband said we had no money.
As for international travel, it has been three years since I last got on a plane and I have no idea when I will be able to do so again.
My husband and I spent our last holiday in rainy Wales, while my ex-husband has just returned from a sailing trip in Greece
I can’t help but compare and, frankly, regret the romantic choices I made. I broke up with Rupert 25 years ago and still blame myself for what might have been if I hadn’t…
You think about how much easier life would be if you didn’t have to worry about the cost of your electricity bill or your daughter’s school trip.
I fantasize about how wonderful it would be to marry someone who knows how to enjoy life and doesn’t have to worry about pensions half the time.
I met Rupert on my first day of university in the late 1990s. He was tall, dark and stereotypically handsome, beautifully dressed in Ralph Lauren shirts and preppy chinos. I plucked up the courage to talk to him, and later that night we kissed.
The next morning he knocked on my door and we went to breakfast and I was totally hooked.
At first I didn’t realize how wealthy he was: he spoke casually of his Chelsea apartment, and then one weekend he took me back to his parents’ home, a huge Tudor building with wood panelling in the hall, in a wealthy part of Surrey.
Their neighbours included A-list celebrities and Premier League footballers – a world away from the life I had growing up on the outskirts of a small town in the Midlands.
When we were students, Rupert took me to a restaurant in Knightsbridge, London, that he said was one of Princess Diana’s favorite restaurants. He took me to his parents’ country house in Palm Springs, which to this day remains the only time I’ve ever flown first class. It was all so exciting. Not having to worry about money had a charm and ease to it that I would never encounter again in my life.
Sure, we were only 18 and didn’t have much to worry about, but I was so glad he didn’t take life too seriously.
It’s the polar opposite of her husband, a quiet, unassuming, thrifty man from the North who is more of a saver than a spender and who has to plan even day trips with the kids weeks in advance.
Our daily life isn’t really a struggle, but we worry about money all the time, even though Daniel earns a good salary.
My part time job doesn’t amount to much so we rely mainly on his income.
Every time I suggest doing something random like going to a theme park or going to the pub with the kids, he makes up some excuse not to go and it makes me wonder how my life has come to this.
I have to admit that I also looked up Rupert’s wife online.
I Googled her and found a video of her working and watched it over and over, she actually looks a bit like me and from what I’ve read, not even that upper class.
I wish I had realised how lucky I was and not let my fears get the better of me. Rupert never mentioned money, but I remember feeling embarrassed bringing him home to our dreary red-brick house, which many would be proud of but which seemed small and cramped to me compared to his mansion.
I ruined a relationship by getting drunk one night and kissing the captain of the rugby team I didn’t like, and the next day Rupert dumped me.
I sometimes fantasize about what it would be like if we met again.
I met him at a mutual friend’s 30th birthday party many years ago and we had a lovely conversation. I was a little drunk and flirting, and I remember him kindly putting his arm around me to support me when I suddenly stood up to say hi.
He looked just as I remembered him and we chatted like old friends.
After more than 20 years, I know I should have moved on, but I didn’t. This is one of those “sliding door” phenomena.
Logically, I know that if we had been married, there would have been things about Rupert that would have driven me crazy. He would probably have been like my husband, snoring, taking long periods in the bathroom, or forgetting to buy milk on the way home.
But he wouldn’t be constantly worrying about money, and his wife wouldn’t have to buy luxury items, even those from Aldi.
They say we learn from our experiences, and if I could go back in time I would tell my 18-year-old self that I should never have let him go.
*Name has been changed