Nikki Main Science Reporter, Dailymail.Com
Updated: July 2, 2024 19:10, July 2, 2024 19:14
Experts are warning single people about the “dark psychology” tricks narcissists use to charm and ensnare them.
Relational trauma expert Dr Annie Wright reveals five tricks these people use to get what they want without realising they’re being manipulated.
These signs include being overly affectionate, creating situations that provoke jealousy, and isolating yourself from other relationships.
Understanding what warning signs to look out for can help you know when to cut your losses and get out, Wright advised.
Dr Wright has worked as a therapist for 12 years, using her own experience of relationship trauma to help “adult children of parents with mood and personality disorders overcome difficult pasts”.
She said people use psychological techniques to manipulate and deceive others to get what they want from a relationship faster.
These people will try to manipulate, guilt or pretend to love you into thinking you are doing what they want.
But “what you’re doing is not fundamentally about getting what you want. It’s about relationships based on trust and reciprocity,” Dr. Wright said. Business Insider.
1. Excessive affection
When you are in a “love bombing” relationship, you may find that your partner showers you with affection, attention, and compliments.
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“They will begin showering you with excessive attention and affection early and often in an effort to gain your trust and dependence,” Wright said.
“Love bombers may seem like a perfect match, but in reality they’re creating a fake environment to make it seem like they’re the right person for you,” Tinder’s resident relationship expert Devin Simone told me. cosmopolitan.
This may include planning lavish outings, sending multiple affectionate messages and flowers within days of meeting, and then professing your love a few weeks later.
If after two weeks you and your partner are already calling each other “soulmate,” “your person,” or “your other half,” this could be a warning sign, she says. National Domestic Violence Hotline.
2. Your partner gradually starts to despise you
Another dark psychological trick is to slowly bring you down with subtle comments that seem helpful, but are actually hurting you little by little.
Also known as negging, this is a subtle tactic to undermine someone’s self-confidence and force them to seek your approval with comments like, “You’re so pretty for someone who doesn’t even value themselves.”
When your partner suggests you go to the gym or improve your appearance in some way, it can initially make you feel less special.
This can be seriously damaging to our mental and physical health, Dr Wright warned, telling Insider: “Feeling attached is a basic, fundamental human need.”
“When something happens that threatens that attachment, we organize ourselves to try to get that attachment back.”
3. It isolates you from friends and family
If your partner only demands time alone together, rather than going out with friends or meeting family, this could be another sign of a dark psychology, Dr Wright warned.
By isolating you from other relationships, your partner has more power and control in the relationship and uses that isolation to undermine your life and identity outside of the relationship and foster a sense of dependency.
4. Creating situations that trigger jealousy
Manipulative people love to “introduce a third party into the relationship dynamic to create jealousy and competition,” Dr. Wright told Insider.
A dark manipulator might suggest how attractive the other person is, suggest that the other person is not attractive enough, or create feelings of jealousy that make the other person feel not attractive enough.
This is a tactic designed to make the other person “feel insecure and want to prove their worth,” Dr Wright says.
5. They frequently “gaslight” you
Gaslighting makes the other person question the validity of their claims and believe they may have remembered conversations or events incorrectly.
It confuses the person, causes them to question everything they thought they knew about the situation, and gives control to the abuser.
“When you become unbalanced and disoriented, you can become susceptible to other seeds or agendas being planted,” Wright told Insider.
Gaslighting behaviors include lying about what happened by saying you’re crazy or making things up, or downplaying your thoughts and feelings by saying you’re overreacting or asking why you’re so sensitive.
It’s important to distinguish the difference between someone who is gaslighting you and someone who simply remembers events differently.
Dr Wright said a good way to tell if someone isn’t gaslighting is to consider whether they’re willing to listen to your point of view or admit they’re in the wrong.
How to get out of a ‘dark psychology’ relationship
Leaving an abuser who uses dark psychology can be difficult because the abuser keeps the victim attached by forcing them to seek approval and validation.
If this happens to you, you need to take certain steps to protect yourself, like learning about manipulation, setting clear boundaries with your partner, and seeking help from a therapist.
“Good relationships feel good,” says psychologist Dr. Alaina Tierney. Cleveland Health Clinic.
“If it feels incredibly good, that’s probably a sign that something is going on. When those feelings surface, it’s important to listen to them instead of pushing them away.”
If you need to escape but don’t know how to do it, you’re urged to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for help when you need it.