It can be difficult to turn down a request, especially if it comes from a friend or someone close to you.
But as the years went by, I came face to face with the ugly truth.
Even people you don’t expect at all can take advantage of you from time to time.
A way to tell if someone is manipulating you is to look at the nature of what they want.
If it’s one of the things on this list, it’s too many…
1) Ask them to fix their lives
When we are young, our parents and caregivers take care of our basic needs.
As we grow, we gain competence and self-responsibility for basic survival needs, and ultimately spiritual well-being and choice.
Sometimes other people help us and give us advice, but as an adult, crying and screaming when things don’t go our way or when we’re not feeling well doesn’t work anymore. It is up to us to look for ways to improve ourselves and our circumstances. .
The reality is that many people’s basic physical or emotional needs were not met in childhood, and the need for attention and “help” carries into adulthood.
This shows up in relationships, friendships, and work as someone who might solve problems or ask you to take responsibility for your well-being.
They may really believe you can do it, but while you can help them in practical ways, you can never carry the burden of being responsible for the well-being of others. and shouldn’t be.
2) Say you don’t like your friends and want them to stop being friends
If you’re with a partner who tries to control your social life by demanding that you end the friendship, he or she is asking too much of you.
They may have genuine disagreements or issues that have arisen with your friends, but demanding or pressuring you to end those friendships as a result is manipulation. target.
Consider putting a shoe on the other foot.
How would your friend or partner react if you asked them to end a friendship you find annoying or unpleasant?
It asks for too much because it oversteps personal boundaries and demands that people close to it be cut off at the request of others.
3) Ask to be props for social media and promotional campaigns
Too many of my friends have started new relationships only to find out that they weren’t in a relationship.
It’s God*amn photography.
Even in their spare time, they and their girlfriends and boyfriends are smiling and snapping selfies that go viral or are posted in promotional campaigns for their new vodka or Sky Lounge restaurant.
This is a man who thought he had just met someone special, but she thought she had met the perfect face for her next influencer campaign (or at least some material to show off to her friends).
It’s sad to see, but if someone wants you to pose and smile more than to actually talk or do something together, that person is taking advantage of you and using you. Become.
4) Seeking to change one’s religious or spiritual outlook to meet their or family’s expectations
Some of my friends have changed religions, had religious weddings that differed from their faith, or even joined new spiritual paths and traditions as a result of being with someone new. Masu.
It’s their choice and I respect that.
What I don’t respect, and neither should you, is someone officially converting or being forced or pressured to change their beliefs as a result of a marriage or relationship.
This is not only disrespectful to religious beliefs and spiritual traditions (which religion wants to be a believer only out of necessity or marriage?)…
It also allows you to take advantage of your love for someone by being embedded in that family’s beliefs and culture instead of respecting your own beliefs and culture.
This leads to the next point…
5) Asking you to agree to things that go against your values
There are two basic ways when someone asks you to do something that goes against your values.
- peer pressure, ridicule, and trying to persuade you
- Charms, flattery, and flirtation that make you feel that if you do what they want, you’ll be “cooler” or more wanted and respected by them.
Both of these forms of manipulation are highly toxic, but the second form is actually more insidious and more effective.
Someone is overly flattering you and playing off your ego to get you to do something you disagree with (take drugs, commit a crime, be unfaithful to someone, or some other misdemeanor) When you can be sure they do. I’m using you
As author Diane Dreher explains:this is when someone is “manipulating you with charm or flattery and toying with your desire for approval.”
6) seek financial relief for them
A short-term loan or financial assistance may be needed to get a loved one out of trouble.
But when you’re put in a position where someone says you’re someone’s last hope, or that if they don’t give you the money, they won’t stand a chance, you’re essentially being blackmailed.
This evokes all sorts of difficult emotions, and even if you pay the money back, you can’t blame it for leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.
The option of lending money that is not returned and the borrower continuously demanding an extension of the return of the funds is also excessive.
Too much for anyone to expect you to endure.
7) I asked them to hold me on my shoulder and cry, but they didn’t do the same
There really is a place for someone to turn to in difficult times.
I’m not talking about codependency, I’m just talking about basic friendships and someone you can be close to and talk to when you’re feeling down or stressed.
You can go to the driving range together, go for a walk, or tease each other at a silly action movie, but know that no matter how you want to vent, you’ll have someone to support you. is good.
The problem is when friends, partners and family are always there, but they never are.
Sadly, this is very common and often not malicious. Many people fall into a narcissistic, self-pitying way of thinking, wanting to vent and focus on their own problems, but are completely uninterested in listening to others.
It happens! But it’s not something you have to hang out with!
8) asking you or someone you know to comply with the request;
Others often work with others to take advantage of you.
They not only demand that their boundaries be crossed, they find boundaries within their extended network and apply pressure from all directions.
“You don’t want to…? But…. She said she agrees, and so do I…”
Now you look like a weirdo who doesn’t want whatever this manipulative person wants.
It’s a sneaky trick, but it works, so manipulative people often do it.
“If someone forever expects you to follow their orders, chances are they are behaving the same way to people you know, perhaps family, friends, or co-workers.” Note from Laura Tong.
When someone is trying to manipulate you, they ask a lot of you.
This can be hidden in a seemingly reasonable request or solicitation, but it is important to consider whether it is really reasonable.
The best way to do this is to use the shoe-on-opposite-foot example I mentioned earlier.
If you ask a partner, friend, or family member to do what is expected of you, how would they react? If you asked a casual friend that, how would they react?
Is it a cross-the-line type of request or is it exploitative?
Being as honest as possible will help you get a clear picture of whether someone is trying to take advantage of you.