If I had a hard day and a friend called me who was having a hard time, how would I answer so I could get the rest I needed to recover?
Dear Manners: I’m in my 50’s and I’m having issues with my best friend of 35 years. We don’t live in the same state anymore, but we talk a few times a week and try to visit every year.
We are both crafty people. Two years ago, I started making her a big, beautiful, counted cross stitch and put it in a custom frame. The project took months, but she knew I would get through it. I drove 6 hours each way to deliver her gift to her.
She offered to make me a quilt (though I didn’t ask) from T-shirts she had collected over the years from places I went. So I cut out logos and graphics from shirts and mailed them to her. She said it only takes about a week to make a quilt.
That was two years ago. My friend hasn’t made a quilt yet.
Since then, I’ve moved farther away, and I miss my home so much that I really want that quilt. I asked her about it several times. It meant a lot to me – especially now that I’m over 1,000 miles away – but she only makes empty promises to finish it. During that time, she found time to make other crochet and cross-stitch items for her large family and renovate the kitchen.
So now she has these t-shirts that I can’t replace, and I don’t have a kilt yet. I’m so hurt about this whole thing that she wants to ask me to send her pieces to me. At least that way you can hire someone to make the quilt for you.
Am I overdoing it? If she doesn’t plan on making my quilt, should I ask her to send me her parts?
“Ever since you said that I dreamed of displaying that quilt on my wall, containing all of my irreplaceable memories. But I know you’re busy, so if you can return the T-shirt, I’ll do my best to return it. ”
And Miss Manners suggests sending an oversized stamped self-addressed envelope to keep your friend from making excuses and to avoid having to travel the extra 1,000 miles.
The new Miss Manners column will run Monday through Saturday. washingtonpost.com/advice. You can submit your question through Manner’s website. Miss Manners.com. You can also follow her girlfriend @RealMissManners.