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Dear care and food,
I (34F) was recently criticized by a friend for being too strict with my parents. A few weeks later, I’m still struggling. I have two boys, ages 2 and 3, and I have to keep my chaos in check to stay sane. My older son is more reasonable and doesn’t need me to constantly keep an eye on him, but my younger one is a tornado and needs regular check-ins and reminders. If I don’t, he’ll (I wish I was kidding, but I’m not kidding) hang himself from the kitchen light or try to ride the dog. That’s what happened this morning.
We went to visit a friend in question, and although I had to remind my young one many times not to kick the cabinet and not to hog her hand, we finally managed to Because I couldn’t make it, I had to shorten my visit. He’s 2 years old, so that’s just the way it is. I always try to gently redirect him or get him to do something else, but I never let him get wild, especially in someone else’s house, and I firmly correct him when necessary.
I don’t yell or hit my child, but does that still seem too harsh? I’m tired, overworked, and feel criticized and frustrated on top of being a mom who takes too much care of a toddler. I want to clear the air, but everything I’ve put together in my head sounds defensive. help?
–Mother of Tornadoes
Dear Tornado Mother
By ending your visit early, you have proven that you are a conscientious parent who cares about the well-being of others. I can’t tell you how many parents at a gathering did nothing while their toddler tried to drown their cat or run a permanent marker across the floor. At least you’re not one of them.
I hope you don’t worry about what other people think of you. It’s clear that you’re doing the right thing in terms of protecting your child and your friend’s property, but I don’t understand why you would care. I learned early on in my parenting journey that everyone was going to have an opinion on how I raised my children. All that matters is doing the right thing by your children and making sure they are safe and happy.
If you want to say something, tell your friend how you feel first. I’m tired and overwhelmed. You thought your home was a safe place, but instead you feel judged. ” I can’t speak for your friend, but if someone said that to me, I would hug them, apologize, and order their favorite takeout meal. Maybe your friend doesn’t realize how much this annoys you. A healthy dose of self-awareness may help.
I think it’s important to take criticism of your child-rearing (especially criticism from people other than your friends) seriously. Because it gets even worse when my sons start school. Focus on the fact that you are a good mother doing your best and ignore the noise. It’s easier said than done, but with practice, you can achieve it.
—Doin
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