One of the most difficult aspects of parenting is having consistent rules. So if two parents can agree on a parenting style from the beginning, co-parenting will go more smoothly.
This was the case for one couple, who agreed to “practice authoritative parenting and treat their children with respect and kindness.” According to her husband, he and his wife were able to maintain this parenting style throughout their children’s childhood. But once the children became teenagers, the mother’s actions threatened to upend not only her relationship with her daughter, but also their marriage.
Parents agreed to a “cooperative” and “authoritative” parenting style to raise their children.
worried husband and father Uploaded to Reddit, worried that he was getting too argumentative with his wife after she changed her parenting style without warning. In his own post, his father said that he and his wife always try to be on the same page about their parenting styles, and that he wants to be equally involved in raising and disciplining their children. He explained that he agreed. Therefore, fathers expected their children to lead by example rather than punish them. And from the sounds of the word, that’s exactly what they’ve been doing for years.
But now that the twins, a son and a daughter, have turned 16, the family is experiencing even more friction. He explained that her daughter in particular has recently wanted more and more independence, and that her wife seems to be having a hard time coping with that.
The man threatened to leave his wife when she suddenly started using harsher discipline methods.
The man explained how the threat came about and gave a specific example of when his daughter wanted to go to a party at a friend’s house. He explained that her mother took her cell phone when she got home and checked it to make sure she wasn’t lying about where she had been.
The father was appalled by the invasion of privacy and told his wife about it, but when she told him not to do it again, he thought it was a one-time disagreement.
However, the snatching of items continued. Less than a week later, she also took her daughter’s laptop and threatened to take the door off its hinges “if she found out I was talking to a boy.” He was furious when he heard this, especially since they never forbade her to talk to boys.
Finally, things came to a head when his wife asked for help carrying their daughter out the door. He explained that he took his wife to her side because “things got heated.”
“I told her that I felt she was being very irrational, bullying her daughter, and perpetrating violence. [sic] “He threatened to leave her and take her children if she did not reflect on what she had done and start respecting her as a human being again,” he wrote.
Not all comments completely agreed, but most agreed that something deeper was going on.
The top commenter, while sympathetic to the husband, wondered if there was something going on that he wasn’t aware of, writing: and capricious behavior. ”
Some people questioned whether his wife was experiencing menopause, although it was only speculation due to the lack of information. Menopause can cause symptoms such as mood swings and irritability. Add to this the similar symptoms experienced by teens going through puberty, and “everyone is bombarded with hormones that feel new and out of control,” says the clinical author. That’s a recipe for disaster, says psychologist Lisa D’Amour. told the New York Times.
Others noted that the mother’s sudden outburst seemed focused solely on her daughter, and others suspected that deep-seated trauma in the wife was coming to the surface.
“It sounds like something triggered an old trauma in your wife. Maybe something bad happened to her around that age,” one person commented, and another agreed. , wrote, “One of the strongest pieces of evidence that this is not the problem.” “Kids being ‘too relaxed’ means you’re not talking about your wife robbing your son’s door or checking his cell phone. This means, in some way, Especially in relation to something bad happening to your daughter because of a boy.”
Some commenters thought it was too harsh for her father to threaten to leave her, but many felt it was important for her to have at least one parent who would protect her daughter, even if it went too far. I thought there was.
Either way, Dr. Damour reminds families that “emotions are like waves, not fire,” and that emotions “will rise, culminate, and recede if you let them run their course.”
As always, if you find yourself in conflict with your partner, it’s always a good move to seek professional help.
Amanda Hartman is a writer who covers relationships, relationships, parenting, and more.