Many single women live happily alone and enjoy rich and fulfilling lives. But if you’re lonely and longing for someone to share your life with, being single can feel miserable.
Sandra, a divorced woman in her late 50s, limped online to find love. Her profile is all set up and the photographer took some great photos. However, she was having trouble keeping up her own efforts and days and weeks would pass by before she checked her dating apps.
When asked what was holding her back, Sandra explained that she had been dating on and off for so long that she never thought it would work out. As a result, by being completely inactive, she subconsciously avoided rejection and disappointment. This is a common problem.
The problem was that Sandra was creating a self-serving prophecy without any real effort. She was letting her negative attitude toward men, dating, and herself dictate her own actions and undermine even the smallest efforts.
This was self-defeating. The worst part was that she wasn’t aware of her own actions.
The actions women take can make it seem like they’ll be single forever, preventing them from finding the love they’ve always dreamed of.
After 20 years as a dating coach, here are eight factors that keep women single.
1. I feel worthless
You’ve heard this before, and it still applies. You need to love yourself before you can attract the healthy relationships you desire. Only you can recognize your worth and value.
Take the time to improve your confidence and feel good about yourself as a woman. Realize how much you have to offer to a good man who would be lucky to be with you. Invest in yourself. Nothing has a greater impact on your life than building self-esteem and a sense of being worthy of love.
2. Thinking the time for love has passed.
Some women, who are older and single due to divorce or widowhood, think that they already have a chance at love. They assume that there is some sort of love quotient and that all anyone can expect once they fall in love.
This is simply not true. Many women go through multiple long-term relationships and marriages and find love again until they are 50, 60, or even 70 or older. Don’t fool yourself into losing friendships and romantic potential later in life. Love has no expiration date.
3. Expecting perfection from men
Forgive me for being cocky in this statement. But no one is perfect, and neither are you. Everyone has shortcomings and qualities that need improvement.
The good news is that you don’t need a perfect man to have a healthy, loving romance. What works best is connecting with men who are open to learning, growing, and communicating.
If you spend time with a man who has a good sense of humor, respects you, listens to your ideas, and enriches your life, you’ve probably found a very good match.
Everyone has preferences and you have the right to have what you want in a partner. But does he need to be 6 feet tall or is 5 feet 10 inches okay if he likes you? Get your priorities in order and focus on what really matters to your happiness.
4. Strongly protect your heart
By the age of 35, you’ve probably experienced heartbreak, which often makes you wary of men. No one wants to get hurt again. That’s completely understandable.
But if you don’t open up and admit your own weaknesses, it will leave you single. If you remain on guard forever, you won’t be able to create emotional connections. This will drive away good people.
Work on healing from previous lovers who have caused you pain so that they can open up to you again. There’s no need to be cautious. Take your time and choose wisely.
Keep in mind that no matter what happens during your date, you can and will recover.
5. Assume all men are like your ex
Naturally, you don’t want to date a man like your ex. You learned that lesson and don’t want to repeat it.
So why do women often have the idea that their new man looks like their ex? The truth can’t be any different!
Sure, you might be attracted to similar men. However, there are as many types of men as there are stars. they are not all the same. It’s statistically impossible.
If you tend to date similar men, find out who you’re attracted to and expand your horizons. Take the chance to meet a man who is not your type. Push your limits to see who else is likely to grab your attention. This is how you find good matches by combining things.
6. You experience extreme sensitivity to the dating process.
Dating can be an emotional process, but you may need to realize that you’re taking the process too seriously. Author Greg Behrendt ( sex and the city Stories About Men and Dating (Consultant) has written his second book. It’s just a date.
Greg suggests finding ways to relax and stop taking yourself and your date so seriously. When you free yourself from the pressure of yourself and men, you may find it easier to meet new people and improve.
On the other hand, if you’re obsessed with the fact that a guy you just met once or twice never calls you again or stops texting, you won’t be able to see the process objectively. The anxiety is over the edge and when this happens, it’s easy to understand why you don’t want to date again.
Learn how to be more resilient and let the assholes you meet roll off you like water on a duck’s back. It was just a date, not a lifelong commitment that didn’t work out. Be more confident in yourself, revisit point 1, and remember that you are valuable.
7. Don’t look inside yourself
Dating requires much more knowledge and wisdom about where to find good men than just geography. In fact, this journey is one of self-discovery. Always answer the following questions honestly for yourself.
What do you like and what do you want?
What makes you happy?
Are we too critical or too accepting?
Is your heart open?
Have you finished your healing work?
Have you been able to increase your self-confidence and self-worth?
How can I become more resilient?
What do you know about dating men and understanding men?
Self-reflection is a must if you want to avoid repeating the troublesome patterns of the past, connect with men for healthy, long-lasting love, and get the romance you’ve long dreamed of.
8. I don’t believe in love
This is the last way single women get in your way, but it’s the most important. If you don’t believe that finding love is real and possible, why bother? With that attitude, you might be better off staying single forever.
You need to get to a place where you know without a doubt that love is your destiny. No matter how many men you meet without success, each time you meet, you will get one step closer to finding the right man for you. Having this belief will help you stay motivated, active, and never give up.
It’s never too late to fall in love! Hold on to this idea like your lifeline, because it certainly can. I myself dated 30 men in 15 months to find the one I’ve been happily married to for 20 years.
Before I got serious about it, I only dabbled in relationships and ended up getting heartbroken over and over again.
Thankfully, most of the men let me down and some even shed tears, but I never gave up. After feeling sorry for myself for a while and asking myself, “Why me?” I dusted myself off, took a deep breath, and remembered the belief I held dearly: that love is my destiny. Ta.
And really, it certainly was.
It may not be easy to overcome these self-defeating attitudes, thoughts, and beliefs, but it is possible. People find love every day. If you want to find love, believe that you can and go meet lots of men to find the right one for you.
ronnie anne ryan Intuitive coach, past life reader, and author of six books.She is the creator of free audio courses How to ask the universe for a sign and get an answer within 24 hours.
She has been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.