dear pastor
I’m 19 years old and live in America. I go to university here, and my couple and I live in a shared house.
The couple has relatives who spend the weekend with them. He is 23 years old. He is the organist at the church we attend. I’m in love with this man, but I have a boyfriend in Jamaica and I love him. And I promised to be honest with him. We plan to get married within two years.
The guy asked me out on a date and we kissed, but we haven’t gotten that far yet. I really like him. He is very bright so he helped me with some of my assignments. He said he broke up with his girlfriend and doesn’t have a girlfriend now. She always wanted money, but he didn’t have enough income to give her. The people I share a house with say he’s telling the truth. I wonder how long this person is going to put up with me because I keep telling him no.
My boyfriend in Jamaica took my virginity when I was 17 and the last time we had sex was last December. I was in Jamaica for a very short period of time. I will never forget that encounter. Because sex hurts and my boyfriend was really hard on me.
I don’t know what to do with this guy who is in a relationship with this couple. I like him, but he likes my boyfriend in Jamaica more. He is American, but I have never dated an American man. I prefer Jamaican men. I don’t ask this person for money, but they volunteer when I have a project to do. One day he asked me if I knew what my boyfriend in Jamaica was doing and I said I didn’t. He said I was saving myself for someone who might have another girl. I was very angry when I heard his words. Because I knew he was saying it to break my resistance.
Do you think I should tell him that he doesn’t want to consider me as a friend unless he respects me and doesn’t want to have sex with me? I appreciate his friendship, but he… I don’t want anything to do with it because it’s forcing me sexually. I’m planning to go to Jamaica for Christmas and I’m looking forward to spending time with my boyfriend. How do you think I should handle this situation?
C.L.
Mr. CL
This young man must learn to accept “no” as your answer and not try to persuade you to become intimate with him. You told him that you have a boyfriend in Jamaica and you want to be faithful to him. He shouldn’t encourage you to cheat on your boyfriend. It is better to do all the tasks yourself and maintain your integrity. He wants sex in exchange for helping you. Your family says he’s a nice guy, but he’ll probably be uncomfortable if you tell him he’s trying to persuade you to sleep with him.
Please do your best to protect yourself. Remember that you love Jamaican men. Please take care of your health and study hard.
pastor