Relationships are complex enough. Adding money to the mix only makes things worse.
One woman found this to be true the hard way when her boyfriend asked her to help him pay the rent, even though he made $230,000 more a year than her.
One woman refused to pay part of her and her boyfriend’s rent because he earned far more than she did.
anonymous woman Posted in the “Relationship Advice” subreddit To ask for advice on what to do next with my boyfriend.
The woman said she works as a freelance artist and earns about $30,000 a year. “My boyfriend… already knows my financial situation and I have also told him my annual income,” she said. “He makes $230,000 more than me.”
The woman said she came to an agreement with her boyfriend when they started talking about living together, and decided that he “would be happy to pay the rent because he knows he earns more than me.”
Everything seemed to be going well for the couple. The woman contributed, she said, by buying her own necessities, paying for her groceries and doing all of her cooking herself. She was not “freeloading” with her boyfriend, she insisted. Still, her boyfriend decided he was no longer happy with the arrangement.
“I don’t know why, but today he asked me if I would be willing to pay his rent in addition to groceries,” she said.
Women were worried about how they would feel. It greatly affected her feelings towards her boyfriend. She writes: “I was 1) confused and 2) turned off when he asked me to donate his rent money. It was so much so that I felt a little cold and unfriendly towards him, and from my side. I feel like it took away a little bit of the romance.”
The response was not sympathetic to the women’s plight.
Fellow Reddit users were mostly on the boyfriend’s side. “I need to learn how to be financially independent, but I’m not. [it] You don’t seem like you’re trying to be that,” one person said. “He’s asking you to donate instead of splitting the rent. I really don’t understand why you think that’s outrageous. It makes me lose all love for him.” wrote another.
However, a screenshot of the post was sent to X, where a completely different reaction was seen. One person said: “Stop dating artsy types and getting annoyed when they don’t contribute financially.” “This problem can be solved by dividing expenses proportionately based on income,” another suggested.
She blamed the current situation on his previous relationship.
After seeing the negative reactions to her post, the woman added more information to clarify her position. She said her boyfriend is “projecting onto me for no reason” because of his ex-boyfriend. The woman claimed that her ex-husband did not make equal efforts and that their relationship could not be called a relationship.
Above all, this woman insisted that she was not a “gold digger.” She added, “He now admits that he didn’t see my efforts to contribute either financially or domestically.” I still need to figure out the exact numbers on how much I should contribute.” But he doesn’t want me to make more money than I already have. He’s completely in agreement with my career, so people can stop saying I’m not independent. can.”
Money is a major stressor in relationships, and living together can amplify financial conflicts.
On the surface, it seems logical that this woman would not pay rent if her boyfriend earns a significant amount more than she does. But if you look into the details, it’s not so simple. But the simple fact is that communication is key to rebuilding the bonds of this relationship.
Financial expert and author Wynne Whitman told CNBC.“When making a list of who will do what, include financial management as one of the chores.” But most importantly, plan your finances before you move and ask your partner to do regular household chores and chores. Whitman suggested that we should talk as often and casually as we asked for help.
If this woman is serious about repairing the relationship and moving forward, she needs to feel comfortable talking about money with her partner. These conversations are never easy, especially when there are extreme differences in income between the partners, but they are absolutely necessary for a couple’s future success.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango, covering entertainment, news and relationships topics.