The seismic strangeness of the coronavirus lockdowns may seem like they happened a long time ago, but we’re only just beginning to realize their effects.
Good, bad, crazy, and weird things are happening all around us.
First, and most importantly, the children are not well.
The latest figures on school absences are shocking.
Last school year, more than a fifth of pupils in England are thought to have been “persistently absent” – missing at least ten per cent of school lessons.
Then there are the children who have just stopped going to school.
My first reaction was: “Come on parents, get a grip, for goodness sake.”
But when I wrote an article about the issue on my radio show, I was amazed by the response — and not just while we were on the air.
For days afterward, friends, friends of friends, and complete strangers kept calling me, pathetically grateful to hear their nightmares get airtime.
Their stories were all similar.
Distressed children refuse to go to school.
Parents oscillate between anger and sympathy, shame and despair.
Schools are woefully ill-equipped to deal with this issue.
Repeatedly.
This isn’t an entirely new problem, but it’s getting much worse.
If you think of the natural order of things like a snowball, it’s as if Covid has shaken it up violently.
For a while we couldn’t see through the snowflakes at all.
“Silly habits we can’t get rid of”
Then, slowly, they cleared it.
Our problem now is to figure out how and where the pieces settled.
Everything seems calm enough on the surface, but underneath lies chaos.
Once upon a time, from Monday to Friday, children went to school and adults worked.
This was generally how things went.
We knew where we were with her.
But now it seems like everyone has become kind of optional.
Maybe I will work, maybe I won’t.
And if I do work, I’ll let you know if I do it from home.
I think I’ll totally miss Fridays if you don’t mind, and every Monday.
Don’t get me wrong, some of this may not be entirely a bad thing — work-life balance and all that — as long as the numbers add up.
But I’m not sure anyone has figured out how the world would work.
Even the dogs on the street know there’s a problem.
Some dogs on the street represent a problem in themselves.
Dog attacks are on the rise.
Desperate foolish owners are to blame, but the main factor may be these animals not being properly socialized during lockdown.
These things are all big problems, but there are also countless inconveniences arising from the silly habits we got into due to Covid that we now can’t get rid of.
One of these inconveniences is standing in line at bars.
We are no longer spread out along the bar trying to get the server’s attention.
Oh no, now an orderly queue is forming.
What is all this?
There are those who think this is a better way to handle things.
They are wrong.
It’s un-British and needs to be banned.
I just want us to go back to how we were.
Take this obsession! Respect, boys – you still have it
Early on a gray autumn morning this week, all was quiet outside the BBC.
But a turn of the corner revealed a splash of loud color in the form of hundreds of people behind crushing barricades outside the Radio 2 studios.
Who can come? Storm? Taylor Swift?
Someone on trend I’ve never heard of? no.
Take That has been appearing on Zoe Ball’s breakfast show.
There was something close to hysteria, as Gary Barlow, Mark Owen and Howard Donald posed for photos with fans before announcing a new single, album and 2024 tour.
Welcome back guys.
One for art enthusiasts?
If you’re a fan of the work of Serbian performance artist Marina Abramović, you’ll be interested to know that there’s a major retrospective of her artwork opening today at the Royal Academy.
Even if you’ve never heard of it, you’ll still be interested in knowing how to actually make your way to the expo.
There are two ways to enter.
Just one, like, normal. Door or whatever.
But this is the path for cultural cowards.
Main access is somewhat different.
Two people stand facing each other on either side of a narrow doorway, their noses about a foot apart.
And you have to squeeze through the gap between them.
And oh yeah, I almost forgot – they’re both completely naked.
Hmm. At first, I thought this was a cheap gimmick meant to generate interest in the show.
But far from it.
This is high culture.
The idea is that you are forced into a “confrontation between nudity, sex, sexuality and desire.”
Oh, I see, I understand now.
One critic said he didn’t take all this into consideration, but was “too busy not stepping on their toes.”
I have to say that there are parts of their bodies that I would be more interested in touching than their toes.
Will I be brave enough to enter this entrance, or will I just exit and go the normal way?
Since my beam is a bit wide, I have to pass sideways, in which case will I face the woman or the man?
Either way, where would I look? In their eyes? Should I say hello? Are you enjoying yourself? How did you get this gig?
If I wasn’t sure I understood the technical meaning of it all, would I be allowed to come back and try again, perhaps facing the other way?
of course no.
What must it be like to be one of the models and have the audience ignore your parts?
If the idea of art is to make you think and ask yourself searching questions, then this exhibition was a treat for me.
And I didn’t even do that. Until now.
He collapsed
I was at a primary school in Leicester looking at some crumbling concrete.
The nipples, already used as makeshift classrooms, looked incredibly cute and vulnerable in equal measure.
In the school library I found an old hardcover picture book called “Dad in Prison.”
I couldn’t get the book out of my mind – the idea of children trying to move their little heads to where their father had been.
Or, God forbid, their mother.
Because, as one expert told me: “When a mother is in prison, everything tends to fall apart.”
I spoke to a charity called Children Heard & Seen.
It is believed that more children are affected by having parents in prison than by marital/relationship breakdown.
I thought this seemed far-fetched until I looked up some numbers.
It turns out that about 200,000 children have a parent in prison, and no one knows the exact number.
So much chaos, confusion and shame.
Whatever your moral stance on crime and punishment, we can agree that it is not the children’s fault.
There is precious little support for them.
Children who have heard and seen do a lot of good work trying to correct this.
Road rage 20 mph
An early morning ride along what was once a 30mph section of road west of Swansea.
I’ll be specific: this is the B4295 between Penclawdd and Crofty along the northern Gower Peninsula.
On the left are a group of houses and a sports field.
On the right, beyond the sea wall, extends the magnificent Loughor estuary.
I had a better look at it than usual because the speed limit was now down to 20 mph.
I looked in the mirror to see six cars behind me, crawling at the same speed.
I swore I could see the whites of the drivers’ eyes, their grinding teeth, and the steam coming out of their ears.
I wouldn’t have been surprised if one of them caught fire in anger and exploded into orbit through the roof hatch.
I’m not sure the Welsh Government will be able to keep this up.
ted of sexism
There is something special about individual sports champions participating in team events.
Golf provides us with some great examples.
The Solheim Cup is this weekend.
Let’s hope the women of Europe get the trophy.
This time it will be the Ryder Cup next week – another great, hotly contested event.
Go to Europe!
So, they’re both great rivalries, but I’d love to see two become one.
Let’s make it one mixed event where men and women play together.
Seriously, why not?
Four balls mixed. Mixed, er, four-some?
Well, we’ll have to find a different word, but, seriously, gender politics would be great.
You can bet that the women will do most of the work while the men get most of the glory.