Anonymous: First, ask her if she has anything she would like to tell you. It’s not that we feel bad around Christmas, but when we realize we’re running out of time, we can become acutely aware of missed milestones.
If that inquiry is empty, and I hope so, here are some methods you can try. If she had decent EQ, she might say, “Mom, some of the loneliest people I know are married. If I force this issue, I can be one of them. (I’m sure you know people like that, but you can also borrow some of my people for rhetorical purposes.)
If your mom is sensitive to flattery, say something like, “Mom, believe me you raised me well. I live my life my own way, so I want something different. I’m going to change my ways.”
If she’s a dog with a bone, about this and everything else? Stop early and stop often. “Okay, Mom, thank you for your concern. Oh, mashed potatoes!”
Dear Carolyn: My husband and I are hosting a holiday dinner for the family on my side. They are very picky eaters, but my husband and I are definitely more adventurous. We hosted them two years ago, but it was the first time in our adult lives that we were able to host a large family dinner. That time I literally had to throw out one of the side dishes an hour before dinner. Because I was informed that no one would eat it.
I think I’ve done a good job of simplifying the menu this year, but my husband still says it’s too much for me to cook for people that don’t taste good. I understand that to some extent, but I also want to enjoy my holidays, and part of the fun is trying new dishes.
Since I am the host and do most of the work, I think I might be a little selfish with the food I cook.
New York, New York: I’ll have to take your word for it that it’s fun to make food that gets rejected, but that’s not my idea of a vacation. Still, you don’t seem uplifted enough to make any further fuss about your family’s pedestrian preferences.
It’s a philosophical appetizer. Main course:
Being a good host means making your guests feel at ease. period. The only two places where “hosting” and “gourmet culinary feats” come together are in her magazine and at gatherings where guests rate gourmet culinary feats. Just because you’re doing most of the work doesn’t mean you have to be hostile towards guests.
From this day on, there are 364 days left in the year, and most of them will be spent with someone who shares your love of culinary bungee jumping. Celebrate it later, and this time let’s celebrate about love, family, and mashed potatoes.