Mr. A met a boy from Mr. B’s section at a concert and they started dating. B has the kind of focus and enthusiasm that many talented people have, which makes their talent truly great, but they can’t always see the big picture. B’s considers this relationship a threat to her music and wants A to break up with him and date someone from her school. Mr. A refuses. A and B are now constantly arguing, making it very difficult for them to coexist. Her husband ignored them and said she was “doing teenage things.” I think this is much more than a normal teenage argument and there are very hurt feelings. I would love to talk to the girls about this, either separately or together. My husband refuses, but he won’t stop even if I try. Do I talk to them or just let them play?
parent: I told B flatly, “I can’t tell anyone else who I can date. It doesn’t have to be your brother or anyone else. I don’t have to like you, but I don’t have to decide.”
Nip this self-centered thinking in the bud right away. Mr. B already feels the power to mobilize the whole family for his own benefit. This happens from time to time, and it may be for good reasons, but still, if the opportunity arises organically, it is necessary to balance it so that her family does not fall under the tyranny of her “gifts”. There arises an urgent need to take. This is her one of those occasions. Tell her this dog doesn’t wag her tail.
The only conversation for A was, “I made it clear to B that this is not her job. And my advice to you now, and my request, is that if she steps into your job, “And don’t get too close to her. There’s nothing in return.” (completely taking into account adolescent preferences).
· We need to take a step back and evaluate how we treat and view children in general. You are allowing one daughter’s needs to determine many choices about what the entire family does. That’s not inherently a bad thing considering her daughter’s talent, but it means you need to make sure to show your other kids that you value her too. Instead, you’re bending over backwards to justify your younger daughter’s incredibly inappropriate reaction to this situation by labeling it as just part of her talent. Your older daughter seems to have followed all of this without complaint. If she wants her to still be willing to spend time with you in 10 years, she needs to see her as someone just as important as your musician.