Sadly, marriage has lost much of its meaning in today’s society. Growing up in a household where my parents have been together for over 35 years and my grandparents for over 60 years, I always thought marriage meant forever.
It is a promise to keep, a commitment to another human being to be there for them (and with them) through thick and thin. To be their teammate and partner in love and life.
Unfortunately, these days the best wedding vows have changed from “until death do us part” to “until I get tired of you” or “until times get tough.”
A big part of the problem is that people aren’t fully aware of what it takes to commit to marriage. They fall in love, get engaged (or pregnant) before they really get to know the other person, and before they know it, years have passed and the divorce lawyer is collecting another paycheck.
So when and what do couples need to promise about their future when making this important promise to their loved ones?
Here are 10 truly beautiful promises every man should make to his future wife.
1. “I promise to be there for you even in difficult times.”
Start with the important stuff.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Anyone can stand by your side on a sunny day. The real test of character is whether they will hold an umbrella for you on a stormy day.
When you make a lifelong commitment to someone, you are promising to be there for them “in sickness and in health.” The illness may not be a cold. It can be a life-changing challenge. It could be a family illness. Maybe it’s your illness.
It may not necessarily be a literal health challenge, but perhaps a difficult part of life that tests your dedication and love. You’re not promising to be a smooth sailing spouse and only be there for the good times. I promise you that you will always be there.
2. “We promise to always put us first.”
Yes, strive for success. Yes, aim for a promotion at work. Yes, good luck taking your business to the next level. However, be very careful not to ignore them and destroy your relationship in the process.
Before you were a CEO or a talented lawyer or doctor, you were a man or woman in love. You are a human being who is intimately and emotionally connected to other human beings.
Even life’s greatest accomplishments lose their meaning when you lose the person you always wanted to share them with. The key is to find a balance. To build your relationship on a foundation. Appreciate your teammates as part of your success as they support you.
If the scales tip too far in either direction, the consequences can only be dire.
3. “I promise to never let you forget how much I love you.”
As an extension of the previous point, sometimes life can get crazy and we can accidentally lose track of things. One of those things is simply letting our loved one know how much he or she means to us every day.
One of the biggest problems in long-term relationships is a lack of appreciation. When you feel like someone is taking you for granted, it’s easy to develop anger and a host of other issues that eat away at your foundation.
You’ll know you’ve found the right partner if they continue to show you how much you mean to them long after they’ve committed to you.
4. “I promise not to lose my identity.”
In a happy and healthy relationship, two individuals together should remain two individuals.
Of course, our lives came together to become “us,” but when one partner begins to lose sight of the things that make them who they are, such as their hopes, dreams, and hobbies, deep dissatisfaction ensues, and this becomes the may be projected. relationship.
This is another reason why self-development as well as personal growth is so important. We need to grow not only as a couple, but also as individuals.
5. “I promise to keep things exciting.”
It’s about going one step beyond constantly reminding someone that you love them and literally taking action to keep that sparkle alive. Spontaneous candlelit dinners, baths as soon as you get home from work, unexplained weekend getaways.
Once you start a fire, you can’t walk out of the room and expect it to burn forever. We need to continue adding logs and liven it up. If you keep at it, it will never go away.
The problem occurs when you no longer give it the attention it needs to keep it burning. Always keep the fire burning.
6. “I promise to do what’s best for my children.”
I don’t have kids so I can’t speak to the huge challenges that come with that. But what I can do is understand the importance of making them a priority in my life and doing everything I can to love them, teach them, and raise them into adults I can be proud of.
You can read all the books you want to read, talk to every parent you meet, and prepare as best you can, but it’s inevitable that there will be an infinite number of unique challenges that every parent faces.
That’s exactly what happens when you promise your husband or wife that you’ll do the best you can and figure it out together along the way.
7. “I accept you and promise to love you completely.”
We all have flaws. We all have anxiety. We all have things we would like to change about ourselves.
We cannot expect to like every little thing about our spouse, but what we need to commit to is that we will accept every trait of our spouse and treat them in exactly the same way. It means to love from the core.
8. “I promise not to love you for your beauty.”
Yes, of course you should love someone’s beauty. Yes, of course you should be physically attracted to the person you are with. Yes, of course you should love having sex with them.
But all this is completely different from loving someone for beauty.
My mother and grandmother always told me not to fall in love with someone for their hair, teeth, looks, or money because you could lose everything.
When marriage and true love become part of the conversation, everything about who the person is essentially takes a backseat. Who would they be if everything that made them beautiful was taken away? If so, do you still love that person at the core?
9. “I promise to never let myself go.”
Does this contradict the previous point? I don’t think so.
There is an important difference between people who reach retirement age and people who think, “I’m married now, so I don’t have to work hard anymore.” Of course, your body and appearance change as you age, but the point here is that you don’t turn into a giant lump on the couch just because you have a husband or wife.
We must continue to live a healthy lifestyle. Eat right. Take care of your only body in this world. To show the man or woman you love that you strive for them and don’t get too comfortable.
Just because you’re in a long-term committed relationship doesn’t mean your partner deserves a lesser version of you.
10. “I promise to be involved in this work until the end.”
It’s scary. the rest of my life. death. You may be sick. eternally. Yes, it’s scary.
To be honest, I’m scared that the daylight will disappear from me. I don’t want to get old. I watch my grandparents grow older and it’s scary to think that we’re all looking to the same future.
It’s not romantic, glamorous, or beautiful. And for them, they still have each other.
But that’s the reality. That’s love. That’s a commitment. And then there’s marriage.
When you make a promise to someone that you will commit to and keep for the rest of your life, that is exactly what you are doing. I think this is so far out of touch with our reality and hardly the actual promise that we feel we are making. What about 50, 60, 70 years from now?
Anyway, who knows what will happen in the future. When we reach the bridge, we will cross it.
However, when you marry someone, you are making a promise to cross every bridge you reach together.
We do this even when we are walking hand in hand side by side, or when one of us is pushing the other in a wheelchair. You cross every bridge you find on your journey with the quiet confidence that your partner will step out on the other side with you.
How can we be sure they are there? Because they made a promise to you.
james michael summer is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach. He is the go-to expert on CNN, Bravo, New York Post, Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
This article was originally published at: huffington post. Reprinted with permission from the author.