Anxiety symptoms can range from mood swings to verbal abuse.
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“Anxiety can be so overwhelming and powerful that it can really make you feel like you’re trapped in a storm – it’s taking control of your mind and body,” said Natasha Leard, lecturer in clinical psychology and manager of the Psychology Clinic at James Cook University in Singapore.
“The person feeling anxious wants it to stop, and the parents watching want it to stop, but once the panic attack starts it’s like a train that leaves the station and doesn’t stop until it reaches the next station. The journey between those two stations is the experience of the attack,” Leard explained.
Psychologists say parents don’t always know how to help their children when they’re feeling anxious or on the brink of an anxiety attack, and methods that worked in the past may no longer work as teens face new challenges.
Here are some ways parents can better recognize signs of anxiety in their children and some tips on how to help them.
Psychologists say that people who are anxious, regardless of age, respond to stressful situations with fight, flight, freeze or give in.
The researchers told CNBC that the most common responses were to flee and freeze, showing signs of panic and starting to cry or tremble, or simply freezing up, becoming silent and detached from things.
“When you’re having a panic attack, you may feel really anxious about what’s happening to you. It can change the way you perceive reality, and it can be a very frightening experience,” warned Eli Lebowitz, co-director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Program at the Yale Children’s Research Center.
Like adults, adolescents can have a fight-or-flight response when they feel anxious, but this is often misinterpreted as a tantrum or rebellious behavior.
“Parents need to consider why their child is slamming doors or screaming — maybe they’re worried about something,” Leard said, stressing that this is just one sign of anxiety.
Psychologists said they had also noticed children exhibiting a “fawning response”, where they suffered from “high-functioning” anxiety but still managed to function in everyday life despite their poor mental health.
“Young people often avoid their emotions and try to appear all right by pretending to be busy in chaotic situations. What is shown on their face and demeanor may not match what is going on behind the scenes,” stresses psychologist Lisa Colloca, director of Melbourne-based Bloom Psychology Group and Bloom Community.
Yale’s Lebowitz said some of the signs parents should look out for include shortness of breath, stiffness and changes in skin color. Although anxiety attacks may seem frightening and uncontrollable, they are not dangerous and parents shouldn’t “panic,” he added.
1. Acknowledge their feelings
Experts say parents often downplay and even ignore their children’s problems and feelings.
“Stop using adult brainpower to solve your adolescent’s problems. Telling them it’s OK isn’t helpful because they don’t feel OK at the time,” says psychologist Michelle Savage, director of Bloom Psychology Group and Bloom Community.
When children confide their worries to their parents, reassurance isn’t always the solution.
“From a parent’s perspective, we want to protect our children from pain, but the alternative solution is to use it as an opening to allow them to express their feelings and their fears, and to listen,” James Cook’s Leard said.
Parents should also keep in mind that children don’t always want advice, they just want to be acknowledged and listened to.
“Acknowledging that your child is anxious doesn’t make them more anxious; it makes them feel understood and more likely to talk to you about it in the future,” says Yale’s Lebowitz, author of Breaking Free from Childhood Anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
“Parents should strive to convey a message to their children that combines acceptance and acknowledgment of their child’s real fears and distress with confidence in their ability to cope with that distress,” she added, explaining that this helps build self-confidence and gradually reduces children’s dependency on their parents.
2. Share a personal experience
When children and teens are feeling anxious, it often helps them to know they are not alone.
By sharing your personal stories of being in a similar situation, they will realize that it is possible to overcome the adversity they face.
“Parents need to accept this as normal and talk to their children about their own internal dialogue about anxiety, while being mindful of open communication in a non-threatening way,” Savage suggested.
For example, telling yourself that you were nervous about the slides in a big presentation at work but that you did your best will help your child feel understood and listened to.
“It’s very hard to teach a child to manage and deal with all of their emotions, so if you can’t do it yourself, make sure they’re willing to talk about their emotions, not just the positive ones,” Lebowitz says. “And don’t wait until your child is 15, start early.”
The psychologists who spoke to CNBC also stressed that parents should not talk to their children about “serious and inappropriate” issues, such as financial struggles or marital problems.
3. Timing is everything
If your child is feeling anxious or having an anxiety attack, the last thing they need is to hear advice on how to make their anxiety go away.
“Don’t expect your child to talk about it when they’re really anxious. You have to give them time to calm down,” Yale’s Lebowitz suggested.
Conversations about how to better manage your child’s emotions need to happen before, not during, a moment of anxiety. As well as giving your child space, psychologists recommend that it’s also helpful to let them know you’re there if they need help.
“We often put a lot of pressure on children to use self-regulation and psychological strategies to help themselves, but in these moments children and adolescents really need an adult to be in control with them,” Leard said, explaining that parents can help children become aware of their thoughts and feelings and how they affect their behavior.
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