I’m sure none of us have ever thought about how to live a truly happy married life. I’m sure you’ve heard women talk about this all the time, but when you think about it, you almost never hear men, much less married men, discussing this particular dilemma of modern love. I’ve never had one.
Sometimes I see a couple of a certain age walking down the street, holding hands and having fun talking, and I ask myself, “What is their secret?”
I’m not ignorant that good marriages can and do happen all the time. After all, I come from parents who have been happily married for over 30 years, so I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
But here’s the problem with relationships like theirs. People who are happily married don’t have many problems that they feel the need to tell their friends about, so we don’t hear much about them, at least not from those in their relationships. Or ask your colleagues for analysis and advice.
I once thought of asking my father why my marriage with my mother was successful, but I was a little afraid that he wouldn’t give me an answer and that I wouldn’t be able to take it back even if I tried. is.
So instead, I turned to Reddit to see what people on the r/AskMen subreddit were saying about this.
As expected, This question was already asked: “Old men of Reddit: What’s the secret to your successful marriage?” Here’s what they had to say.
How to live a happy married life as told by a happily married man
1. Argue to understand, not to win.
“When you argue with your spouse, the goal is not to win the argument. The goal is to solve the problem.”
2. Be fully human as an individual.
“The strongest relationships come from two strong, happy people coming together, rather than two broken people relying on each other for happiness.”
3. Remember that creativity is key.
“Be creative. Any fool can throw himself at his wife and worship her. That doesn’t mean anything. Instead, use your creativity to create ideas that she never thought of. Find new ways to make her life better with How to.Example: My wife doesn’t like falling.I have an encyclopedic knowledge of old computer games.
“So every night when I go to bed, I play an old, slightly repetitive video game while she watches. The games I choose are so boring that she falls asleep and she ends up Most of the time I’m thinking about fairies and elves and things like that. She’s out. Now it’s like a light every night.”
4. We prioritize each other.
“That’s one thing I learned from my parents’ 34 years of marriage. They never put their children before their relationship. Their marriage came first. always.”
5. Let go of selfishness.
“Always remember that what you do should be to strengthen your marriage and partnership, not necessarily for yourself. It may not be about spending money on yourself. It could be moving across the country for work, or someone choosing a location for mutual benefit. Commuting has become easier.”
6. Respect your wife and your marriage, even if it means passing on “good” jokes.
“Please never criticize your girlfriend or your marriage in public. No jokes like ‘ball and chain’.”
7. Turn your backs to each other.
“Her corner is your corner, period. Even if she’s wrong as hell, and she definitely will be. Give her your opinion, try to give her advice. But… No matter what you say, the day will come when she will leave the car behind.” “Drive right away, towards the edge of the cliff. I’ll take your hand and we’ll get into the car.”
8. Let’s cook for each other.
“Learn to cook. It’s not that hard. It’s fun to cook. Nothing makes me happier than when my spouse asks me to make their favorite dinner.”
9. Reaffirm your commitments regularly.
“I agree that during tough times, you will too, but I am in this job for the long haul and fully expect to get through it and move on to the next good time.” Do it. Say it out loud. Get it done.” is known. ”
10. We communicate with each other every day.
“When everyone comes home at the end of the day, ask them, “How was your day?”
11. Let her vent just for the sake of venting.
“When you talk about problems and issues they (women) have, don’t suggest solutions first. Just let them vent. The time for suggestions will come later. Men like to solve things. And I don’t talk about problems with men unless they agree.” I’m looking for advice. Women first want empathy and sympathy, and then want to discuss solutions. ”
12. Stay faithful.
“Never flirt. Block out attraction to others and retrain your brain to never put yourself in a position to slide. Don’t even come close to flirting with others.”
“If you’re going out to lunch with a platonic friend of the opposite sex, subtly tell your spouse in advance to show respect rather than asking for permission. Don’t lie about your actions.”
13. Be careful with money.
“Save your money so that your later years are easier. Don’t waste it on frivolous things. No matter where it comes from, put all your money in one pot and talk about how you’re spending it.” Please (IMO there should be no “my” or “your”) “Money when you get married)”
14. Choose your battle.
“Don’t insult each other. Let’s just put up with the little things. If she wants you to wear a tie and you don’t want to, just wear it.”
15. Be generous with your displays of affection.
“You don’t have to take physical intimacy to the next level, just hug her. Hug her a lot. Suddenly kiss her neck when she’s cooking something. .Tell her that you love her more than she knows.”
16. Let’s be each other’s best friend.
“Let’s be friends. Romance and dating are great, but let’s really be best friends. Flirt, wink, joke. That makes things really fun, easy, and great.” Marriage can be great if you put in the effort and find the right partner.”
17. Remember that she is important.
“She’s important. I originally wrote, ‘Make her feel important.’ I then changed it to “make her important.” But I think these words best guide you to the course of action you should take. When you come home and she tells you about her day, she should take her hands off her phone, stop staring at her computer screen, put down what she’s doing and tell her story. Let’s listen.
“Make her really aware that she’s the only person in your world as long as she’s talking to you. Look her in the eye, nod along, and ask follow-up questions.” Please. If it’s date night, hang up.” Don’t interrupt her when she’s talking.
“Do things for her that require effort. Sometimes relationships become a zero-sum game, competing for points. In those situations, we tend to do the easy things. “Did you have to buy a bouquet of flowers at Trader Joe’s while you were shopping for spaghetti sauce for dinner? Don’t buy flowers.” I don’t say it, but when I spend my Saturday sweating through my clothes doing something just for my girlfriend, I think, “I see you doing that and don’t appreciate the work, no sane person.” I have never met such a woman in my life.
“Many of my friends put their spouse on the back burner. Even after all these years, I have to find a way every day to say to her, ‘You are important to me.’ Hmm. This is something I recently discovered, but I wish I had learned it earlier, because ever since I started focusing on this, it has paid off.”
18. Stay unique.
“Make sure you have enough time, set aside time for yourself. Schedule a night out with your man. Have a hobby and be active in it. You’re a human being. Don’t be a messed up Siamese twin. For your sanity, to quell your resentment and impatience, take your frustrations out and step away from each other once in a while.”
19. Kiss for real.
“Never kiss your wife half-heartedly. I think ‘never do anything half-hearted’ is solid A-grade wisdom, but if you’re going to do it,” kissing your wife is at the bottom of that list. is. She’s gonna kiss her, do it right, all of her, using her hands and arms.
“Every time, make sure you’re doing it seriously and not for any other purpose. A kiss between you and your wife is the easiest way to tell her you love her.” , except for the simple fact that you lazily refuse to love her.”
20. Before you begin, make one important decision. It’s about marrying the right person.
“My spouse and I have been together for almost 10 years, through this week’s intense Lifetime movie work, and I’m still swinging. It’s all thanks to her. I think of myself as more handsome.” The older I get, the more confused I become, but the truth is, if it weren’t for her infinite patience, and armed with the little bit of wisdom I summoned, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I mean, I would never have gotten to the place.
“So I think my first piece of advice is to get lucky and meet a good man who will put up with you until you grow up and learn to be a man.”
rebecca jane stokes is a writer and editor covering relationships, pop culture, psychology, and news for Newsweek, Psych Central, Bustle, and more.