If you’ve ever thought about how much you hate your husband, you’re not alone. You are not the only wife who feels this way.
You are angry, fed up, and tired of fighting what feels like a losing battle. You’ve probably thought to yourself, “No matter what I do, I can’t get him to change!” You may even think that your marriage is over.
Even if talking to your husband feels like punching a brick wall, your marriage can be brought back from the brink.
Actually, this may sound shocking, but do you feel that intense hatred? It may be exactly what you need to strengthen your marriage.
The key to getting back in love with your spouse after the fire has cooled for a long time is a practice called intense intimacy.
Intense intimacy means telling the truth no matter what. Even when times are tough. Even when you don’t want to because it could upset your husband or start a fight.
Couples experiencing marital problems tend to fall into two groups:
- People who are full of hate and are always arguing.
- People parting ways almost without saying a word. Neither partner even raises their voice.
Believe it or not, the latter couple is less likely to be able to resolve their issues. They are completely completed.
In a romantic relationship, hate is not the opposite of love, but indifference.
So if you give up or stop being annoyed with each other because it’s so frustrating that it feels like pulling teeth, you’re cutting off any chance of working something out. You think you are compromising and accommodating, but in reality you are not.
You are outraged. you are suffering You are lying to yourself and your husband to “keep the peace.”
And there is a cost to telling such lies, both to him and to yourself. That resentment will manifest as an increase in distance. Decreased passion.
One of the first costs of not telling the truth in a marriage is passion. Their love for each other dries up and dries up.
Difficult issues and challenges arise in any marriage over time. However, if you leave them unresolved, resentment may build up. If her anger towards her husband is left unaddressed and not addressed, it can have a negative impact on the marriage.
When you choose not to speak up for yourself in a relationship, you end up in a stalemate instead of a solution.
No matter what fights you and your husband have had in the past, your biggest problem now is that you two can no longer have an open and honest dialogue. And I don’t know what can be done about it. You don’t have an effective method of correction, and asking him to do something feels like nagging.
He has proven that you can’t expect him to do something different just because it will make you happy.
Frankly speaking, even trying is exhausting.
It’s easy to fall into this situation. But fixing it will require fierce intimacy and a willingness to change your approach.
You have to embrace your willingness to be honest. To speak your truth in love, you must learn to stand up for yourself.
This may sound counterintuitive, but the best way for couples to rebuild and rebuild emotional intimacy is to say how they really feel. When you’re assertive, you’re showing your husband that you’re an important player in the relationship too, and that your needs are just as much of a priority as his.
A 3-Step Plan to Establish Intense Intimacy and Strengthen Your Marriage
1. Recognize your own needs.
Trying to accommodate your spouse at the expense of your own happiness is exactly like saying, “My needs don’t matter.”
In order to change things for the better, you first need to understand your personal needs and desires and how you can achieve them. Next, you need to get him to really listen and pay attention to your requests instead of ignoring them.
For example, if you have a full-time job, make dinner every night, and also clean the house, a few nights a week you’ll also need to make him dinner or pick it up. Start by telling him. Try to do some chores around the house during your off time.
You must be firm yet loving during this period. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you also have needs in this relationship. If he doesn’t pay attention, you may need to find a couples therapist who can teach you how to treat each other as equals.
2. Let go of negative emotions and resentment.
You have anger and hatred toward your husband. And getting your needs noticed can be difficult. So while it’s important to continue speaking your truth, you must let go of that resentment. Holding on to it isn’t good for you or your marriage.
Building an intensely intimate relationship and getting it off the ground means acknowledging your husband’s efforts. You have to start recognizing when he’s trying. Remember that you are trying to correct bad behavior and make positive changes.
You gave him a list of expectations. You had a strong desire for results. At this point, you should be able to see him putting in the right amount of effort to meet you where you are and going out of his way, even if it’s just 15 percent.
The moment this begins, it’s your turn to let go of any anger or resentment you’ve been holding onto. Even if it happens little by little.
Don’t let go of your demand for change. However, try to be soft in your approach. If you support his good behavior and help him win, you can win too.
3. Continue to guide him with kindness and love.
It’s important to encourage your husband as he tries to do what you ask. Emphasize your desires, but don’t forget to praise him for a job well done. I appreciate his efforts and changes.
You are daring to be the underdog. You are letting go of your anger and giving him positive feedback. He is working to change his ways and build a better future with you.
This is a big step! Once you know he’s genuinely invested, let him know you appreciate it.
You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. If you make him feel good about what he’s doing, he’ll keep doing it even if you don’t ask him to. He will want to know how happy you are. This builds a foundation of trust, honesty, and understanding.
With this strong foundation, you’ll know your relationship is strong enough to be open about your needs. You and your spouse know that you will be welcomed with love.
Relationships are hard work, but just because a marriage isn’t working out doesn’t necessarily mean things won’t or won’t change.
By practicing intense intimacy, you won’t just repair your relationship with your husband, you’ll build a relationship that’s much stronger and better protected from future waves of resentment and frustration.
terry real Internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and founder of the Relational Life Institute, which helps couples become aware of the negative behaviors that hinder their happiness and achieve deeper intimacy and fulfillment. It takes you on a step-by-step journey to discover new ways to do things. .