Love bombing is not a new concept. Article after article details how to recognize a love bomb, what to do if you’re being love bombed, and how dangerous early displays of deep affection can be. And it’s best to be wary of love bombers.
But has the enthusiasm for exploding love gone too far?
Are we self-sabotaging relationships with great and genuine people because of those faint whispers? Too good to be true, love must be hitting me Does it ring in our ears?
What is love bombing?
“Lovebombing” refers to when someone you’ve just started dating starts showering you with attention, affection, and gifts. Sounds good?
necessarily!
This excessive praise and laser-focused attention can be the result of: someone is trying to exercise power over you. Fall in love with someone who says they can’t imagine life without you. And they take advantage of your dependence on affection.
Suddenly, sweet messages become dominant, gifts come at a price, and you are left only trying to appease them and get back the kind and loving person you met in the first place.
Photo: fizkes (via Shutterstock)
what should you do?
Get out of that relationship! At the first sign that someone who suffocates you with love may be suffocating you, it’s time to leave.
In other words, this person suddenly start getting jealous right away, demands that you spend more time with your family and friends, demands that you spend more time with them, constantly wants to know where you are (even asking for your location and passwords), sends you angry texts, then tells you what to do next. I apologize again. I’m dating Love Bomber.
It’s so hard to leave because they are experts at making you feel special and valued, but these behaviors are pathological and will only continue to get worse.
Be strong. That’s it! Let’s move on.
How to tell the difference between a really nice guy (or girl) and someone you’re in love with:
Well…this is where I digress from what is often said in articles about exploding love.
Sometimes people are so great.
When I first met my partner nearly seven years ago, he was attentive, romantic, generous, and incredibly vocal and head over heels for me. I had been on the side of such narcissistic love bombers before and I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.
boundaries and pursuit
I’ve noticed that every time I set a boundary, he respects it and doesn’t push back. Our communication was open and I told him when I felt things were moving too fast.
He was always texting, but I wasn’t really the texting type. And he didn’t make me feel guilty about it. He truly embodied his values and acted on them. He didn’t just talk about important matches.
A gift was a gift, no obligation (and later realized that it was his love language and he enjoyed buying presents for all the special people in his life) ).
We collaborated on how we wanted to spend our time together and he never once made me feel like it wasn’t enough. When we had conflicts, we talked like adults and never used harsh words. We felt like we were an equal team.
And I’m not alone! I’ve watched countless friends and clients enter into relationships and wonder early on if it’s too good to be true or if it’s all that good. Ta.
Consistent kindness through ups and downs
In the words of another coach, Catherine: style my profilee:
“When I first met my partner, he did everything right that others did wrong. He told me openly how much he liked me. He replied to my email. He never waited and always wanted to spend time with me no matter what. “We talked about wanting to move our relationship forward.” I was naturally skeptical of anyone who didn’t fit that mold because I was used to having people think I was more of a needy person.Why did he like me so much so quickly? I don’t deserve that! What was he hiding? Was it all an act? Did he drop a love bomb on me??
He made sure at every turn to see how I was feeling. When I needed to brake or give myself a little space, he understood and immediately adjusted his actions. He said beautiful and flattering things about me, and he wasn’t exaggerating.
He texted me all the time and never got jealous or overprotective if I didn’t reply for a while. He knew I had a long life and loved it about me. The most important thing is that he has been consistent throughout. ”
If you have a love bomber, it will make you hot or cold. If you have someone who loves you and isn’t afraid to show it, you’ll have their unwavering support throughout the two years you spend together. So be careful and don’t be afraid to lean in!
conclusion
It’s not always that simple, but it’s worth paying attention to signs that the person is really nice in ways you’re not used to.
So, if you start dating someone and they act hooked in all the ways we described, how do you know if that person is real or a love bomber? Can you do it? It may be a fine line at first.
My advice:
Don’t get excited about something that might be great. But always keep the logical part of your brain on hand to point out early warning signs (Unstable behavior, possessiveness, over-promising,Such). When that happens, run for the hills! If not, congratulations — you found it 🙂
Alyssa Dineen is a dating coach and stylist with over 20 years of experience. Alyssa started Style My Profile to help people entering the modern online dating world increase their matches and meet quality partners by completing their dating profiles. .