Dear Deirdre: My girlfriend told me that she had made an arrangement with a man to use each other for sex.
I can’t help but feel disgusted with her.
This happened before we met but I have a hard time accepting this of her.
I am 31 years old and she is 29 years old. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 6 months and we get along well.
I knew something had happened between her and one of the other players on my rugby team, but I really wished I hadn’t asked her about it.
They were making out at a bar after a game one night, and on the way home I asked him if he was serious.
She laughed and said it was just about sex.
I hid my disgust well, but I wonder what they did together or how it happened.
I have some female friends, but I don’t want to have sexual relations with them.
I know I’m probably being unreasonable, but I can’t help but feel uncomfortable that she was having casual sex with someone I know.
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Deirdre says: We all have a past. You may not approve of your girlfriend’s sexual history, but she can’t change it.
And in any case, her past is part of what made her the woman you fall in love with.
Does this really mean you have a moral objection? Or are you worried that she might be more experienced than you?
She has found love with you and is no longer the one you had a sexual relationship with.
You are the person she wants to be with right now. Remember, she’s with you now – not him.
The next time it pops into your head, think of the best moments you spent together and focus on that.
My support pack “Dealing with Jealousy” will also be useful to you.