Dear Amy: I hate my best friend’s boyfriend.
I first encountered “Shari” when I was in high school. Since then, we have been inseparable. Back then, she was sociable, confident, down-to-earth, and nothing ever bothered her.
Ever since her relationship with “Stefan” began, she has become a completely different person.
She lacks self-confidence, lacks self-confidence, and now suffers from frequent anxiety attacks. I attribute all of this to Stefan. She often complains about him.
When I first met him, I was in his corner, but the more time I spent with him, the more red flags I saw. He is unmotivated, has no goals, and is an alcoholic. Shari noticed all this too.
Stefan got very drunk the night before my wedding and forgot to deliver the alcohol and food for the next day to the venue.
At the wedding he got drunk and left right after dinner.Shari then went to her hotel room. she paid And it turned out that she could not go inside.
Stefan had put a security lock on his door, so even hotel staff couldn’t get into his room.
Shari stayed with me and my new husband the night of our wedding. She was upset and confused.
Stefan has yet to apologize to us for his actions and I have not seen him since.
I want her to stay away from him. Our other friends don’t understand why I’m still friends with her after all he did.
I don’t want to lose her as a friend. She is not responsible for his actions. I am also worried that she will marry him.
Amy, should I give up on my relationship with her?
How can I convince her that she needs to leave this relationship?
– A struggling friend
Dear everyone struggling, You may not be able to convince your friend of anything.
For you, power rests in your willingness to maintain a close relationship with a dear friend who appears to be in an abusive and draining relationship.
Maintaining this friendship can be very frustrating for you, but expressing hatred for her boyfriend can actually make her defend her choices and push her closer to him. , which can further isolate her.
Instead, you should tell her that you want what’s best for her and that you know in your bones that she deserves to be treated well by someone who respects her.
You could also encourage her to join a “friends and family” program like Al-Anon. Communicating with other people who are involved with her addict may help her find her footing.
Email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @askingamy or Facebook.
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