Written by Belinda Cleary, Daily Mail Australia
Updated November 16, 2023 04:16, November 16, 2023 08:07
Relationship experts have revealed seven major red flags that women mistake for good signs, or green lights, in relationships.
Dating coach and therapist Kelsey Wonderlin says if he’s “attractive and chasing you,” that could be a major red flag.
She says other attempts to “woo” a partner should also be taken as a warning, even though many women admit they want someone to show “that amount of interest”.
Relationship experts say if your boyfriend talks about “the future” on your second date, you should tread carefully.
And if he won’t let you pay anything, that’s also a big red flag.
The fourth red flag is if you feel like he’s “courting” you.
“Courtship can distract both parties from focusing on deeper qualities, such as emotional maturity and core values, that are important to determining whether you are truly compatible.” “There is,” she warned.
She said courtship could indicate a “lack of healthy relationship skills” or a lack of emotional intelligence.
According to Kelsey, the fifth red flag is when he wants to “lead” everywhere.
“When one person leads dynamically, by design, one person leads and one person follows,” she explained.
“Think about the area of life in which we use the word “lead” – the boss. Senior. One person is in a position of power over another.
“In an equal partnership, we lead ourselves and sometimes lean on each other. We divide tasks based on preferences and strengths. However, each partner does this and it is discussed as a team. ”
The sixth red flag is that he makes you feel like his life is “incomplete” without you.
And the seventh is “I want to see you forever.”
She warned that abusive relationships don’t start like that and often require a period of intense “wooing” first.
Thousands of people thanked the experts for their advice, but some were angered by the message.
“This is a mess. You’re making so many assumptions about being nice and equating men being gentlemanly with being abusive. I’ve turned my son into exactly what women should fear. “I raised her to be that way. It’s embarrassing,” one mother said indignantly.
“Guys, is it wrong to love your girlfriend?” asked the furious man.
“Don’t date a feminist who always complains…paying you is a red flag and asking for a split is the worst,” another man exclaimed.
Another man said that since watching the video, he considers himself a “proud red flag” who claims to have ticked six of the seven boxes.
Kelsey appeared in the comments to clarify the red flags in the video, explaining that courtship is outdated because it’s designed to “persuade you.”
“Healthy relationships don’t start like this. Instead of wooing each other, they start with two people making an effort and getting to know each other seriously. Sometimes ‘courtship’ hides an explosion of love. Sometimes there are,” she added.
Those who agreed with Kelsey said whether the action was a green or red light depended on the man’s intent.
“Men who are more honest and emotionally aware will want to get to know the other person before doing this kind of thing. They will also want to have some of their own needs and desires validated.” You would want to,” one woman agreed.
One man added: “I see other guys doing this and honestly it’s just an act of control.” Maybe it’s not real at all, even from an anxiety perspective. ”