Why do people get married? To improve their quality of life.
Why do people get divorced? To improve their quality of life.
Once basic needs are met, people will do most things for quality of life.
and with marriage becoming less and less common It makes you wonder: why aren’t people seeing it as a major source of a better life?
I watched the sitcom again friend One thing in particular has been on my mind lately. How scared the male characters were about marriage.
For example, the mere utterance of the word “wedding” or even the slightest hint of anything marriage-related can cause a man to throw a fit and retire to his man cave, never to be seen again.
The women had to subtly hunt down and trick the promise-phobic princes into marriage, taking great care not to falsely inform them of their hidden intentions. When the deed finally happens and men end up with the same old ball and chain for the rest of their lives, they’ll complain like there’s no tomorrow about how awful their marriages are.
And yet…the poor, decent, hard-working men of this world, though aware of the woman’s intrigues, found themselves down on one knee, with a ring peeking out of a velvet box.
“Would you please grant me the honor of being Mrs. Johnson?? ”
But now, decades later and some major social movements, people no longer pursue men to get married.
what happened? Did the man finally succeed in persuading the woman to leave him alone? Or were the women able to convince themselves that it wasn’t worth it?
I recently came across an article by Venna Moore about marriage. “Marriage is a raw transaction for women‘ I started to wonder. Who is right here? If it is women who become poor, why are men always complaining about marriage?
My guess is that there are two main reasons why women are no longer chasing men to bring them to the altar.
- financial strength —As a result of women’s education, increased labor force participation, women’s economic independence, and gender equality, women no longer need men for survival.
- a safer society — Women no longer need men to keep them safe (from other men), because pillage and pillage have all but disappeared in civilized countries.
Let’s not forget how the idea of marriage began. It was originally a union of families (and their wealth and power, if any) and the perfect way to ensure that the offspring born of that union belonged to the groom.
It was just a power contract. There was zero love.
Women were not allowed to earn their own money. They were not allowed to own property.they were allowed Get used to it property. Getting married!
And since the man saved the woman from financial hardship and ever-present danger, he gets in return a maid, a cook, a mother of his children, a nanny, a nurse, a therapist, and someone to sleep with him on a regular basis. I was able to do that.
Hmm, that seems like a pretty good deal to me. Unless you’re interested in a clean house, home-cooked meals, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to take care of your daily needs.
I think you should find a trade wife.
But just because something sounds good to me doesn’t necessarily mean it sounds good to a man. Men may hate married life as much as cats hate living indoors. Indeed, indoor cats live longer and safer than stray cats (just like married men), but are they happy?
Research says yes. happier Single men anyway.they are I’m wealthy again.
But what if that’s not enough for a man? What if they are looking for something else?
Men counter the idea of marriage with the strong argument that they don’t want to be involved with just one woman. Just to be clear, if your main reason for marrying a girl is to have someone to sleep with on a regular basis, then she’s got one more woman than before, and they’re worth every penny in the world. Instead, you’ll only commit to one woman who actually wants you. Of women who don’t.
But isn’t the problem of sleeping with different women not solved by today’s sex culture, which is free and available everywhere?
No, it’s not. Quite the opposite.young Today, men are having less sex than in the past 30 years.
Therefore, while most women today can get much of what they want without getting married, most men cannot.
The benefits of marriage for men are as follows:
- Women do most of the emotional labor in housework, childcare, and relationships.
- Married men are wealthier, happier, and live longer.
- Love, safety, and friendship.
- Regular sex.
The benefits of marriage for women are as follows:
- Love, safety, and friendship.
If you’re reading this and think that love, security, and companionship are enough to stay in a marriage, you need to know most things. 70% of divorces It was started by a woman.
I think the idea of love and companionship is just an idea. Because once women get married, they quickly realize that the connection they’re looking for isn’t really there.
To answer the question in the title, if marriages are good, divorce rates shouldn’t be that high. If marriage is good for women, they won’t leave it.
In fact, it seems like women are getting married sooner (or at least they used to be), but they also seem to be getting divorced sooner. As much as they thought they wanted it, it turns out that married life wasn’t always a happy one for them.
For men, the opposite seems to be true. Men resist the idea of marriage, but when it actually happens, they enjoy it more than they imagined.
So what’s going on here? Is marriage just an outdated institution that some people don’t want and others don’t benefit from?
The short answer is yes. We have always been fed nonsense by social structures that never have our individual well-being in mind.
We are all victims of cultural and social conditioning, peer pressure, and trying to find our place in an ever-changing world.
But slowly but surely, the veil is starting to lift. Both women and men can make it by themselves.
Women can own property and own themselves. Men realized that they could make (or order) their own food and would no longer starve without the devotion of the women they loved.
They can get together, but they don’t have to. You can be interdependent, but you cannot be codependent.
Have we moved away from the idea of marriage? I’m sure of that. we can do more than that.
mona lazare An unapologetic writer, unconventional relationship coach, and wild dreamer whose writings include Better Humans, Medium, Illumination, The Soulciety, Newsbreak, The Startup, Hello, Love, The Good Men Project, and Curious. Published in.
This article was originally published at: Moderate. Reprinted with permission from the author.