In today’s digital world, even a simple “like” can raise suspicion. For couples, social media activity like tagging friends and “liking” photos can raise questions about boundaries and trust. But is a “like” on an Instagram photo of a model in a bikini a harmless compliment, a playful double-tap, or a potential red flag?
Social media is awash with content about “microcheating,” a modern term for small acts of betrayal. The Washington PostWith likes and comments now easily accessible, couples are increasingly becoming digital detectives, scrutinizing each other’s online behavior for signs of infidelity.
But this hyper-vigilance can lead to confusion. The plethora of digital interactions makes it hard to define boundaries: what’s an innocent double tap and what’s a virtual violation? Relationship experts warn that this new territory could lead to privacy invasions and unhealthy levels of online surveillance. Questions remain: how much access to your partner’s online life is fair, and where do you draw the line between openness and unhealthy surveillance in your relationship?
So what constitutes cheating?
Lana Coniglio, a therapist in Arizona, says: The Washington Post Clients often come to her worried about their partners’ online behavior. If their Snapchat score, which reflects their activity on the app, rises during work hours, is it a sign of cheating? Is following models on X proof that your partner can’t be trusted? Who are they talking to in direct messages? Is it a problem to keep following an ex?
The struggle isn’t unique to her clients, most of whom are young women (men don’t seek therapy as often, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). Coniglio, who creates educational TikToks for her 20,000 followers, says she often gets messages from people trying to define modern-day infidelity: “My girlfriend is sending Instagram Reels to an attractive coworker. Is that cheating?”
The answer depends on who you ask. Every relationship has different boundaries, and what’s excessive for one couple might be normal for another.
Some TikTok videos poke fun at “micro-flirtation,” such as “liking” someone else’s post, creating hyper-vigilance and distrust. This comes at a time when young people are becoming more and more disillusioned with love and romance. Dating apps, which are perceived as superficial and algorithmic, have contributed to this decline. Sexual activity among young people is also at an all-time low.
Further compounding these issues is an alarming CDC report (2023) that noted an increase in teen sexual assault cases. Given this, Perell concludes, it’s no surprise that young people have a hard time building trust in relationships.
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