Julia Simolo
You didn’t want to break up with your ex, but he dumped you, and now you have nothing left. Well, not nothing at all. You can always check us daily on social media. It’s certainly creepy, but they won’t know about it. . . right?
If you proceed with this plan, you are an “orbiter.” Here’s what you need to know about this dating trend and why you should avoid its temptations.
Orbit is a dating trend created by. Man Repeller Leandra Medine This basically refers to trying to keep someone in your “social orbit” online. Through social media, you can see what they had for breakfast and where they are spending this weekend, making you feel closer to them. It gives you a false sense of security that they are still on your radar.
Research shows that social media not only gives people a false sense of closeness, but also increases feel-good chemicals in the brain.
A study conducted by Paul J. Zach, a professor at Claremont Graduate University in California, found that just 10 minutes of social media use Oxytocin levels increase by 13 percent. This is the same boost that people experience on really happy days, such as weddings. Oxytocin has benefits for your body, including making you feel calmer and making you feel loved by your ex.
You might feel all of these things as you scroll through your ex’s Facebook timeline. But the increase in oxytocin comes with consequences.
Checking someone’s Instagram feed every day might be reassuring, knowing you’re not driving past their house (they can see you from behind their living room curtains). However, if you use Instagram Stories, you run the risk of being seen probably on Instagram and definitely not on Facebook. Let Instagram users know who has seen their posts. That means you’re not completely invisible, so your ex may wonder what you’re doing and why you’re still walking around. Wow.
What takes your trajectory to the next level is when you like your ex’s posts about cute dogs and family vacations.
You might think it’s no big deal since it was an amicable breakup, but it could give the other person the impression that you’re not over it or that you’re keen to rekindle things in the future.
You need to ask yourself what you want to achieve. If staying updated about their lives makes you feel better about not having them in your life, that’s another story, but what’s keeping you from living a better life without them? There is a possibility.
Mann Repeller says orbiting tends to be done by people who have previously ghosted you.
The conspiracy gets thicker! This can be cruel if you’ve been ghosting your ex and now want to get them back on track. You might make them think you’re eager to get back together — why else would you like or read all their posts? — If you’re really just keeping them around because you’re fighting to let go of the relationship or feel guilty about the ghosting strategy, this will cause them even more heartache. may cause.
If you’ve ever ghosted someone, it might be for a good reason. Perhaps your ex was insecure and afraid of a real breakup, and that’s understandable. But if that’s the case, shouldn’t we sever the relationship all the more? If you ghost, you should leave for good. We need rules for that to prevent things from becoming more confusing than they are.
Orbiting has negative effects on mental health.
Published research A paper in the Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking Journal found that stalking an ex on social media increases feelings of admiration for the ex, sexual desire, and psychological distress. These symptoms should decrease after the breakup. Otherwise, you will remain stuck in the past.
If you want to get back together with your ex, it’s healthier to face your feelings head on and be upfront about your intentions so you can move on if your ex doesn’t share them.
However, if you don’t want them back, there may be another reason why you’re checking your Facebook profile every day. Please take the time to understand what is really going on. You may be stuck because you’re afraid to move on or because your romantic future is uncertain. But consider that the more time you spend missing your rosy relationship with your ex, the more time you’ll waste trying to find something better.
Reality check: If your relationship had been great and your ex was someone worth stalking you online, you would still be together. That in itself is proof that there is something better out there for you. Delete your ex and pursue their future instead.
Julia Simolo is a freelance writer. She has appeared on AskMen, Native Interiors, Live Eco, and more.
This article was originally published at: pop sugar. Reprinted with permission from the author.