Dividing household chores among family members makes it much easier to tackle them. This is why couples who live together often do so, whether or not they follow traditional gender roles.
This reader And his girlfriend chooses to take on such a role as a provider, paying 90% of the bills, taking care of all kinds of maintenance and yard work, and letting her take care of the house. did. This arrangement seemed to be working well, but then stopped working because the girlfriend was no longer happy with it.
Sharing housework with your partner makes housework easier.
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This redditor had an arrangement with his girlfriend that seemed to be working, but it didn’t work out.
Image credits: Media_photos /envato (not actual photos)
Image credits: Success_Leek96
Accommodating your partner’s ways is often an inevitable part of a relationship.
In the OP, it is revealed that it was his girlfriend who was keen on following traditional gender roles. However, he himself did not mind such an arrangement. Even though both of us had to make some adjustments, we found a way to make it work because like most things in a relationship, housework requires consideration of each other’s methods.
The ability to adjust shows that a person is capable of change, which, for better or worse, is sometimes inevitable when entering a romantic relationship. the study A study of newlywed heterosexual couples during the first 18 months of marriage revealed that even the personality of the partner is likely to change quite significantly during this period.
Based on the Big Five personality traits of extraversion, agreeableness, directness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism, the study looked at how couples develop each personality trait by the end of their first year and a half of marriage. revealed that it would change. According to the study, there were “decreases in husband and wife agreeableness, decreases in husbands’ extraversion, decreases in wives’ permissiveness and neuroticism, and increases in husbands’ conscientiousness.”
It is believed that it is impossible to change the fundamentals of a person.
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Although change seems inevitable for both men and women, the latter seem to be more supportive of change than men. Survey from 2010. For women, it became clear that the gap between their ideal partner and their partner was larger than for men.
At first glance, both men and women tend to try to change something about their lover. But Andrew Christensen, a professor of psychology at UCLA, believes that in a marriage, it’s unlikely that the other person’s core nature will change, no matter how much effort and demands they make.
“People cannot change their fundamental nature even if they try to change it, and it is no use asking them to change it,” he said. UCLA Newsroom, added that marriage is a package deal and you can’t pick and choose the traits you like or dislike. But Christensen added, “You can drive change at the periphery, but you can’t drive change at the center,” suggesting it might be possible to meet partners in the middle on certain issues. . For example, housework.
Society tends to value men’s contributions at work more than their contributions at home.
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OP shared that he is the main breadwinner in the household. Pew Research Center According to data from (China), it remains the more common arrangement for heterosexual marriages. In 55% of such marriages, the husband is the main or sole breadwinner, in 16% the wife is in such a position, and in about 29% of couples, both partners’ income is Almost the same.
However, even if couples have the same income, they tend to spend their time differently outside of dedicated working hours. Women reportedly spend more money on housework and caregiving, while men spend more on paid work and leisure. Data from China shows that society tends to value men’s contributions at work more highly than their contributions at home, which may lead to men choosing to spend more time at work or being pressured to do so. This may be one of the reasons why you feel this way.
In the update, the redditor revealed that he works many hours a week, and to make matters worse, he faces backlash from his girlfriend when he gets home. This is why some netizens in the comments section suggested that the couple should really talk.
Fellow redditors shared their thoughts in the comments, and OP responded to some of them