Lately, I’ve noticed people wondering what their biggest regret is about marriage.
When I was little, I always thought that one day I would magically meet my husband and marry him right away.
I didn’t spend every waking hour planning my wedding and the marriage that followed. I thought that’s what happens when a girl grows up and falls in love. she becomes a wife.
Now that I’m an adult, I’m well aware that being married to someone doesn’t guarantee a happy, healthy relationship, and it’s certainly not something anyone should feel like they have to do. I had no idea how many men and women are stuck in unhappy marriages.
In a survey of 4,000 British couples,, more than 50% said they had regrets about their marriage at least once. That doesn’t inspire much hope in the girl regarding the prospect of settling down.
I can’t tell these people anything more painfully fresh than my biggest regret about marriage, so I wanted to see if there are any others out there who got married and now wish they had never gotten married. I decided to head over to Reddit.
Sure enough, people on the subreddit r/AskMen grumpily responded when asked: “For all the men who regret getting married, what is the reason?”
Here are the painful reasons why 15 men regret getting married.
1. The love was never mutual.
“She never loved me. She married me because she thought it would lead to feelings. It’s a waste of time.”
2. We had different ideas about what family is.
“My wife lied to me about her family plans, some about having children and mostly about starting a family of our own. Her definition of ‘our family’ included her mother. It’s on the priority list, and in my case it’s not.”
3. She changed the moment she became my wife.
“Her personality changed dramatically compared to the person I was dating. Once we got married, the stereotype changed much less.” [intimacy] And further rights. After about 8 years of marriage and a 3-year-old child, another big change occurred. She would never have dated the person she became at that point. ”
4. She became needy and depressed.
“Around the time we got married, her father became terminally ill, and despite my best efforts to put him on medication and get him treated, he never recovered after his death. She gained weight and basically did nothing but watch Netflix, which I do about 80% of the time.” Thankfully, we still live in an apartment and are pretty much divorced at this point, so we don’t have kids yet. We have nothing in common anymore. I feel like I live with a roommate who is lazy and extremely needy. We are living two completely separate lives. ”
5. She wasn’t “the one.”
“I regret that I married the wrong woman, that I was immature and naive and too eager to find a woman, and that I waited to find the right woman.”
6. Nothing could make her happy.
“She thought she could buy a house with me and be happy. But that wasn’t the case. I sold it alone and lost $10,000.”
7. She was a hardcore drug addict.
“She’s a compulsive liar, [cocaine addict]. If you don’t use drugs, obvious signs are hard to spot. My friends knew, my coworkers knew, her family knew, and everyone else knew but me. Yes, all the signs were there. I was fooled by all the lies. I loved that woman too. Two years later, $250,000 was stolen, but I can now say I got a better end to that deal. She’s still an addict, but I’m a recovering addict.In short, don’t marry anyone, male or female. [my ex-wife], a person who does hard drugs. ”
8. We were too young.
“The first time, I was too young (23) and I got carried away too quickly and didn’t hit the brakes even though I knew I was going to go off the rails. At the time I was overseas in the army and there I met someone who had served in the military and was retiring and felt like this was like the next logical step in life: to move on, take an oath and fulfill it. Military life is like forcing people into bad marriages (mostly to secure housing off base), and the environment you live in is custom-built to put a strain on those marriages. It is being
What I would tell my younger self is that at 23, you’re still a baby, you’ve got a lot of life ahead of you, and you need to find someone you’re truly compatible with. Any problems you encounter with your partner before marriage will increase exponentially afterwards. Therefore, please check carefully. If you’re not sure, don’t do it. You don’t have to break up, but you won’t be doing yourself or your new spouse any favors if you’re not ready. ”
9. Marriage means saying goodbye to your free time.
“I’m married. The worst part was not having any free time to play video games and do whatever I wanted. The second worst part was not having free time to play video games or do anything I wanted. I quit my job (which was completely different from my career). I was working in another city, but now, six months later, I’m my own boss and even though I get summer vacation… I don’t want to work 50-55 hours a week without any benefits. Now we are seriously considering going back. It would be a lot of work and I’m worried about her and if she doesn’t like it. I’m also worried about whether I’ll like it or not.
But my wife is wonderful. It was hard for her to change everything in her life at the age of 41. We also have a new baby. I now sometimes feel short-tempered, tired, overwhelmed, and scared. She is worried about whether she is happy or not. I’m not worried about her being a gold digger or having an affair or anything like that. It just requires a lot of adjustment. Thankfully, nothing weird has happened to her yet. My only complaint is that I like “free time” and not running around all the time. ”
10. We got married because she gave me an ultimatum.
“I gave in to her ultimatum. She just wanted to get married. In general. It didn’t necessarily have to be me.”
11. She took advantage of me.
“She drained me financially and then cheated on me. Then I tried to do something ‘for the kids’, but she just wanted me to pay my bills (rent, utilities, etc.).” ) just wanted to convince me to pay some of the money. “We’ll be living together again.” Oh, her dead boyfriend was already living there. And apparently there’s still one left.” It seems like it was.”
12. Other women.
“Managing a mistress turned out to be much more difficult than I expected.”
13. We never recovered from my mistake.
“I don’t regret the marriage itself. I regret not ending it sooner. It’s a long story, but basically we broke up because I did something stupid. I made up my mind. , we got back together to raise our daughter.” I knew right away that she hadn’t really forgiven me, and she wasn’t really trying to forgive me. She looked more like she was out for revenge or something.
It’s a long story, but I kept trying to do something about it. I think we stayed together in dire circumstances because she was too scared to be alone. Instead of getting a clean divorce and custody agreement, we separated and fought for years even after I moved out and had a child with someone else. So she regrets not getting a divorce before she flipped out and disappeared, and I ended up getting a divorce in absentia. ”
14. I didn’t even know it myself.
“I don’t regret it, but I wish I had waited until I was at least 30 to get married. Then I would have had more time to discover what I like and who I am.”
15. Some men cannot be restrained.
“The very short explanation is because it ended in divorce. But there are more complex reasons, most of which revolve around a lifelong tug of war between my need for independence and my need for belonging. They are mutually exclusive, so something has to give.”
rebecca jane stokes I’m a writer based in Brooklyn, New York, who covers relationships, psychology, pop culture, and news.