I’ve learned to grin and bear it, but it feels annoying and rude. The window dweller never asks if it’s okay for the rest of the people in line to close their shades. Is the window dweller the only ruler of the shade? Do I have the right to request that it remain open? What is the etiquette here?
very few The thing about flying these days is that Miss Manners tends to splurge on the little perks offered in every seat. In her opinion, the advantages of each are: The aisle has legroom and access to the toilet, the center is to the right of the first refusal of the armrest, and the window seat provides privacy and, well, a window.
If someone wants to take advantage of someone else’s benefits, we need to cooperate, but Ms. Manners said that on some flights and at certain times, window shade status is mandated by airline staff. I realized that it was being done. So, as long as everyone is polite, each can ask for what they like from the other. And when airlines change the rules on a whim, we all have to adapt.
Dear Manners: Since the pandemic, I’ve gained weight and received a lot of comments from colleagues and friends about it. Some people blurt things out thoughtlessly, but I received a lot of more intentional comments that really offended me.
For example, my cousin pointed out that I was looking at…(insert meaningful pause)…“meh.” I even had people at work ask me, “So, have you lost weight?” To trap and embarrass me. (They knew damn well I wasn’t.) To be honest, I’m happier now than I have been in years.
I went to the doctor to help with my sleep issues, am working on treatment for my anxiety, and had some of my teeth covered. I feel better about myself now and I don’t want to be body shamed anymore. Please let me know the best way to respond. These comments don’t bother me, but they really hurt my feelings.
that’s rude You can comment on someone’s weight in any way you want, but it would be remiss of you, Mr. Manners, if you didn’t point out that the two examples you gave are not insults in and of themselves. Or, if so, attempts were made to politely hide it.
She simply wants to warn you not to look for insults or excuses if that may not be what you meant. Nevertheless, you respond to any comment about your appearance with a curt, “That’s kind of you to notice,” followed by the “meaningful silence” that your cousin so pointedly used. I might continue.
The new Miss Manners column will run Monday through Saturday. washingtonpost.com/advice. Questions for Miss Manners can be sent to: missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.