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Dear Prudence,
I have been battling the coronavirus for a long time over the past year. I had the pleasure of receiving excellent treatment. My friends and family weren’t very supportive, but I’ve been dealing with it in therapy. This week, one of my close friends contracted the coronavirus at the end of an international trip. Despite feeling unwell and having symptoms, he made the decision to hide it from the airline and take the 12-hour flight home. He is appalled by this decision. This disease has completely changed my life, prevented me from doing many of the things I enjoy, and placed a huge strain on my family and finances. That’s because one year ago, I was infected with the new coronavirus by someone who (it was later revealed) had lied about his infection status at the time.
A few years ago, I too suffered an unexpected injury overseas and had to wait until I could fly home, so I understand the fear and extra expense of being stranded outside your home country while recovering. Masu. But that’s what travel insurance is for, and I strongly believe that the benefits of isolation in this case greatly outweigh the personal stress. I cannot reconcile our 10-year friendship with his choice to expose others to this disease. Is there a way to overcome this situation and continue the relationship?
– Suffering from illness
Dear struggling people
Your friend may have gotten sick sitting next to someone who is elderly or immunocompromised, and even if he acted responsibly and delayed his travel, they could still be infected. There’s no getting around the fact that it could have been. health. He was selfish and careless. In many ways, he sucks.
But what makes this difficult for me, and I hope you’ll give him a little bit of respite, is that with airline policies and everything else surrounding the official coronavirus “end,” we It’s that he’s bad in the exact same way he’s been ruining everyone.
The severe politicization of the virus from the beginning, the misinformation surrounding it, the changing and inconsistent policies to contain it, the problems with access to testing and vaccination, and for many people when they develop symptoms. Between the fact that it’s completely unrealistic to isolate, it’s pretty safe to assume they’re flying around everywhere, especially during this season of common respiratory illnesses. It’s not just the fault of people like your friend. Some people didn’t believe in the new coronavirus. People who used to believe it but never ask about a sudden attack of a “bad allergy” because they can’t handle thinking about it anymore. People who are worried they may have coronavirus but have not been tested. People who cannot afford to miss work while infected with COIVD. People like my teacher friend who have to return five days after testing positive even if they are infected. There are still positive reactionsAnd some people continue to believe that even if they have the coronavirus, carrying Lysol wipes with them will prevent the spread of the virus. Everyone who boarded that flight knew that there was a good chance someone like your friend would be on board. And guessing from my recent experience with air travel, probably about 2 of them were wearing masks. This is especially frightening for vulnerable people and, like you, for those whose lives have been upended by a devastating infectious disease. But that’s the shitty reality we live in.
I mean, there are a million ways that our country has actually failed terribly with this virus. Rather than directing our anger at the one person who successfully navigated the ongoing pandemic without systemic intervention, it may make more sense to direct our anger at the decision-makers responsible for these failures. Moreover, you are already facing a lack of support during a really difficult time. And I don’t want to think of punishing myself by isolating myself from friends who are under surveillance and whose precautions don’t work. After all, if you look closely, very few people do that.
If after thinking about this you still feel angry or disgusted when you think about this guy, there’s no way around it. You cannot be friends with someone who has come to think this way. And no one will blame you for holding a grudge against the very person who caused your suffering.It might be worth thinking about whether you are really angry at him or something more bigger.
More advice from Slate
I work as a personal assistant to an actress. Most people will recognize her and know her name. She is a normal and down to earth person and has become my friend. A few days ago, her father passed away. My family is in the middle of funeral preparations. My boss commented on attending the funeral to honor her father. She got along well with her father, as he was a very funny and lovable person. But here’s the problem. It makes her sick to her stomach to think that everyone in attendance at her wake and reception will be staring at her and secretly trying to take pictures of her or asking for her autograph.