Dear Abby
Lifestyle
Dear Abby is counseling a man who is concerned about his relationship with his girlfriend and ex-girlfriend.
Dear Abby: I’ve been dating this girl for 8 months. She said she is still good friends with her ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend and that he is her best friend. She sees him regularly and she says she is already over him. I’m going to marry her, but she wants to invite him to her wedding. My ex-boyfriend gives my girlfriend money. She says sex isn’t involved. Should I let her go over this? — Alert in Texas
To everyone who sounded the alarm: Perhaps because accepting money from an ex-boyfriend shows that she is not independent from him.
Dear Abby: My grandmother and I have been living together for the past 22 years. She raised me from the age of three. we were best friends. However, things have changed in recent years. We often disagree and have very different opinions about almost everything. We argue and fight with name-calling, threats, and a lot of disrespect.
I suggested several times that she go to counseling, but she never showed any interest. I know I have anger issues, but I take full responsibility for that. I know the best thing to do in these situations is probably to turn and walk away, but sometimes she pushes my buttons and I can’t help but fight back.
I understand this is a problem that needs to be fixed, and I want to, but I don’t know how to start. I know you wrote a booklet about anger. What can I do other than move? — Out of Control in Colorado
Dear Out of Control: By admitting that you have an anger problem, you have already taken an important first step in dealing with your anger. You and your grandmother aren’t the only ones experiencing an emotional high these days. We live in increasingly stressful times and most everyone is affected in some way.
Now that you are an adult, your relationship with your grandmother may have changed. As an adult, you have the right to your own opinion. However, sensible adults do not try to impose their views on their loved ones.
Recognizing the causes of these angry outbursts can help you avoid taking out your anger on each other. It takes self-control and maturity to react calmly instead of exploding. “We both feel strongly about this. Can we talk about this another time?” Then go for a walk, which helps you maintain a level-headed perspective.
My Anger Booklet contains many suggestions for managing and expressing anger appropriately in a variety of situations. This is a skill that becomes increasingly important as you get older. You can order by sending your name and address plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Anger Booklet, PO Box 447, Mt. Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling charges are included in the price.
We live in a time in society where anger and division are reaching new heights. As we have seen in the media, explosive anger is the most dangerous. Perhaps anger management should be taught in schools so that people can communicate more effectively and in a healthy way.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
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