How can you make a strong and quality man want to be involved with you? Not many men can put this into words themselves, but they intuitively know that there’s one thing they need above all else in order to feel deeply and fully committed to a relationship.
It goes far beyond its relation to physical chemistry.
Men, especially those with commitment issues, need just one thing to feel safe in a relationship.
One of the things people need to commit is freedom.
Freedom here has a very broad definition. At first glance, many may think that I am talking about sexual freedom. But that’s not the case at all (though, of course, some people care about this).
I’m talking about the freedom to fully express yourself and your life’s potential.
It is the freedom to carry out one’s mission and achieve one’s goals. It is the freedom to live whatever his deepest purpose is at that moment. It can be related to health, spirituality, career, or occupation.
For him to want to be with you, he needs to clearly understand that you support his life’s mission. He needs to feel that there are no unconscious motivations to suppress, weaken, or hinder his growth.
If he sees you as a distraction or threat to his mission, he will push you away emotionally or physically.
If he sees you as an ally in his mission and in bringing his fully expressed self into the world, he will draw you closer and want to be by your side.
In other words, he wants to be with someone who gives him maximum freedom.
If he wonders, “Does my life feel freer because of her?” And if the answer is yes, he’ll do anything to be involved in your work. You will.
Now, there are two people in this relationship: a woman and a man. That is, this whole task of “going to support his mission” does not fall solely on the shoulders of women. Because that means the guy even has a mission to support in the first place.
I’ll explain both sides, but I have to start with her side first, for reasons I’ll explain later.
her equation
Before you think about a man’s responsibilities and what you should look for in him, this has to start with you. Because while you can go out and recognize the right qualities of a masculine man, that appreciation is mutual. He will also see and look for the right qualities in you.
Remember that he unconsciously asks the question: “Does she make me feel free?”
You can act to set him free and try to say the right thing. But if it’s not from a genuine place, he’ll be able to sniff it out easily. Just like how a woman senses if a man is not living up to her full potential or if he sees her only as a conqueror.
For example, suppose a woman feels internal pressure to have a relationship. This pressure can be created by a variety of factors, including codependency issues, when you want to have children, fear of abandonment, family expectations, or perhaps a strict mental timeline of how life should go. there is a possibility.
In any case, it tends to force her into love affairs rather than allowing the natural process to take place.
Not only are mission-oriented men quick to sense this and are repelled, but in the process women are deprived of experiences that fulfill their deep desire to be chosen by great men. If she successfully pressures him to choose to commit, she also gets the gift of knowing he stands two feet, providing long-term durability and strength. can not.
If you’re a woman who feels like you’re only attracting and dating non-manly men, it’s not the dating pool’s fault. It’s very likely a sign that you’re not putting out the energy and availability that masculine men are attracted to.
This goes both ways, but the spacious emotional approach I’m talking about is:
“I will support your growth and mission unconditionally, even if it means our paths diverge and your lives go in different directions. Because I want you to be happy.”
He wants to know that you love him more than you know him. Meaning: You care more about him being happy and being his best self than you care about him staying still.
Again, I’m sure he feels the same way about you. But in reality, men are much more sensitive to this energy. It’s counterintuitive because you’re looking for a man who is committed to you and trustworthy. So why do we basically say, “By the way, it’s okay to quit?”
But if you can truly feel this, he will love and respect you more than anyone ever has and will never want to sacrifice you as a priority in his life.
his side of the equation
Okay, a woman can do all the right things and give a man all the space and support in the world, but if a man needs a sense of direction, a sense of purpose, something to burn for something in life. If you don’t have one, you probably will. Neither person is willing to commit. If anything, one of the two (or both) just clings to the other for stability.
If a person does not develop a sufficient sense of direction in life, they will not know what kind of freedom they are moving towards. And if you don’t know what you want in life, you can’t make any choices. Especially my partner.
At the same time, the woman notices this lack of center – inner strength and loses interest in him.
Control tactics are only successful with men whose masculinity is underdeveloped. If a woman is unconsciously motivated to speed up the level of commitment in a relationship or limit her freedom, this type of man is more likely to succumb and submit to her coercion, pressure, and emotional manipulation.
Because he has little self-definition or commitment to a mission. His actions are influenced more by pleasing others and looking good than by following his instructions. There’s a part of him that’s like a boy looking for someone to give direction and meaning to his life. Basically, he’s looking for someone to act as a new surrogate mother.
If this is the beginning of a relationship, both parties have done great damage and are left with a ticking time bomb.
Because a man is guided not by his true inner direction, but by her emotional will. All the while, he continues to lock away his true self. Sensitive women will never be completely satisfied with this because they will never have a real man or a real relationship. All she has is a prisoner to keep by her side and a means to ease her nagging sense of loneliness.
However, dating a man with a strong masculine core is a different story. This is the kind of man we’re talking about. This person is independent, driven and visionary. He has worked on himself and he knows who he is. No matter who accompanies him, he moves forward with his life.
More masculine men will resist any of the control strategies listed above. Here’s why:
- They will be registered as a violation of his freedom. Emotionally, it’s the same as being cornered by a police officer in handcuffs. It telegraphs to him that the woman doesn’t truly love him or have his best interests at heart.
- It’s a little watered down. He wants to exercise his freedom to choose a woman. Ultimately, he wants to be with someone he feels freely chosen by his own impulses and inspirations.
Considering all of the above, what can a woman do to get a strong man to commit deeply?
1. Resolve your own patterns and heal relationship wounds.
If you have never worked deeply on your wounds and relationship patterns, now is the time to do so. Be grounded enough in your inner “masculine” so that your discernment is fully intact, and safe enough in your inner “feminine” so that your radiance is flowing out in full force. It is essential to feel.
Doing so will open up your feelings as a woman. By doing so, you will feel freer, more liberated, and more grounded in yourself. This is what others can feel in you. It changes the energy you put out and the way you communicate in all its forms.
This task is especially productive when done with outside help. It could be a powerful women’s group, a professional therapist, or a very well-written book that provides insight.
Regarding work left unattended, Journey from abandonment to healing Susan Anderson’s work is amazing. attached This is also a classic that helps get your unique attractiveness profile recognized.
Below are some common questions you can ask yourself.
- Do you see a tendency toward tension or tension in your relationships?
- Do you feel the need to accelerate faster than moving alone?
- Is there a part of you that feels the need to control or cling to your partner?
- If you can answer yes, then you should ask: What are the fears and anxieties that underlie those dynamics, and how can we overcome them?
This is important work to do not only for your relationships, but for your overall health and well-being. But it will play an even more important role in that it can create a sense of safety, comfort and security for men.
Once this foundation is resolved and out of the way, you are ready to invite different energies into your life and pay close attention to your next steps.
2. Find someone who is on a mission (someone you really respect).
As you continue dating, you will discover secret important criteria that you were unaware of before. Look for people who are connected to your purpose. There are many men with a purpose in the world today. But you may not care about their purpose. It may even go against your personal values.
For example, his purpose may be only for money. Perhaps he works in finance or sales and earns a lot of money, but maybe he has no other vision for life. While one woman may be head over heels in his path and respect his willingness to contribute, another woman may be completely uninterested in his overall lack of connection to making the world a better place. You may not have it.
Some men may earn less but are more committed to personal or spiritual growth, artistic craft, or contributing to their community. He could also be super rich and super spiritual. These are not mutually exclusive.
The important thing is that when you find a man with a purpose, make sure he believes in and supports that purpose. If you don’t respect and admire his mission and the values behind it, it’s just not right.
3. Tell him how you feel and support him.
If you find the right combination of “man” and “objective”, and it is attuned to you and wants to support you, then the feeling that you are interested and his goal no matter what. Tell them two things: your active support for .
Here’s one of the big secrets of the mating dance. In the end, it is the woman who chooses the man. Once she’s interested, she’ll put herself on his radar screen and he’ll make himself an option for her. And if he feels her freedom in the relationship, he feels he has to commit to her and “chooses” his girlfriend.
So if you’re genuinely excited about the future he sees for himself and what he’s working on, and you show him through words and actions that you want that too, he’ll be so excited and excited about what he’s doing. You won’t know what to do. Think about yourself (but most likely he will jump on you and brag to his friends about how great you are).
From this place of open support, generosity, and admiration, when you are able to develop a relationship with a man who lives with an honorable mission, it is like waking up on another planet. Everything will feel right and it will go much more smoothly than any other relationship you’ve ever had.
Relationship Coach Jordan Gray It helps people remove emotional blocks, maintain good intimate relationships, and live a better life.
This article was originally published at: jordan gray consulting. Reprinted with permission from the author.